Being a vegan is a lot like being a neckbeard. It's not about the fedora on your head, it's about the fedora on your heart.

So if someone says you look and sound vegan, they're saying you give off a vibe that you have health issues bordering on serious and refuse to admit that the decisions you've made might have a causal relationship.

Like a guy who complains he gets no sleep but drinks an entire pot of coffee before bed? That's a vegan.

Dude who doesn't know why he has tetanus after he nailed his hand to the floor with the rustiness nail he could find? Vegan.

Dude who just doesn't get why he needs his stomach pumped after swallowing a full litre of bleach? Vegan.

Your vegan trait is giving off an aura of depression but voluntarily using Discord.

I come from a low frequency environment, and I've only used cash my entire life
The only time I ever held a card was when I borrowed my cousin's Bank of America debit card to slice open a funnel cake at the county fair
When I took my daughter there on a trip amidst a lengthy child custody battle with my ex wife
Attempting to prove to the judge that I'm a responsible father
But we all know I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ not
I got the kids ears pierced at two years old and she already knows what Red Bull tastes like
I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥
Judge, if you're seeing this, please let me have McKenzie back
I even wore my nice 8 Ball jean jacket to the last court hearing
I'm ready to change

its midnight but still 37 degrees, kinda hot right? i sweat like a pig, like a ♥♥♥♥ ton of sweat my whole body is slippery. i went to the toilet and started taking a hard ass ♥♥♥♥, but then my butt cheeks started sweating for the heat and for the extreme force i was making. my dumb ass had to grab the bidet near the toilet so i could go 100%,

i ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ slipped away like if i had butter on my ass. lucky for me i ♥♥♥♥ metal pieces so nothing fell but gah damn i had an heart attack

buy american

who here actually likes the color green? what are you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stupid? green is just discount blue and discount yellow. it is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ mixture of the two colors that was turned into an abomination that shouldnt exist. green shouldve been like purple but no, instead it decided to be a ♥♥♥♥ color. green is a color that has no real purpose. blue embodies sadness and the oceans, yellow embodies happiness and the sun. the ♥♥♥♥ does green represent? grass? what a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ thing to rep. on the importance of things to represent grass is real ♥♥♥♥♥♥ low on the totem poll of things that are good. not only that but why to most greens have to be ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ blindingly bright? like what does that accomplish other than pissing me off? green is a dumb color and your stupid if you like it. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

I am a proud racist, I love to race around in cars, I love that whizzing sound as I drive. I have been a racist for 30 years now. I have watched all the cars movies 420 different times and they were amazing. I can't stop thinking about cars, I love them so much. I even drive in cars when I sleep. You have to try racism, your life will be 1000% better! I promise you that racism is the best thing that will ever happen. I have won 69 races in Nascar! Repost this if you too are a proud racist.