Ship 1: Everyone on the ship was starving, stabbed me to death because I forgot to feed them, but not before ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ everywhere.

Ship 2: Fed the crew regularly, but nobody knows how to pick up ♥♥♥♥. Crew gets angry about the poop-filled living conditions and stabs me to death.

Ship 3: Turns out I have to find a specific book that teaches you the ancient art of cleaning poop off your boat. It's hard to find a pirate island that has books for sale, and harder still to find one that has the poop cleaning book. I spend all of my money on the book when I find it. I, the captain, am the only one smart enough know how to read (i.e. had the skill points to do so) and taught myself the secrets of poo cleaning. I don't have enough money to pay my pirates, let alone feed them. While I'm cleaning poo off the boat, they stab me to death.

Ship 4: Say to myself "Screw it, I don't need a crew! I can just power up this single character!". That was a bad idea. An island tribe of savage natives surround me and stab me to death.

Great game.