Recent reviews by conor

okay here's a legit review: a fairly interesting narrative game that slowly shows its true hand as something incredibly familiar if you are aware of how games as a medium changed after cow clicker and cookie clicker changed the medium. numbers go up have always been the thing but its never been so simple

good game to chew over for a bit, has decent enough accessibility features, and is the perfect price point where you can beat it within the refund window but why the ♥♥♥♥ would you refund it in the first place, it just is that good that they deserve at least 5 of your hard worked dollars. good news, it costs almost half that

s'good

i played this for hours before the PC launch. its the best of poker and hearthstone and the best CCG out there, despite the marvel branding

You ever play Karoshi Suicide Salaryman? It's a series of free flash puzzle platformers where the goal is to jump into spikes or drop a box on your head, since the objective of the game is actually to kill yourself! It's a neat little game, with several bite-size levels to keep you satisfied the way Warioware does. The graphics aren't great and feel like they're fresh out of those way-too-edgy late 90s flash videos, but they're serviceable and do their job. I have fond memories of those games, so when I saw this game was on sale for just over a freakin' quarter and was mechanically similar, I figured why not.

Graphics and soundtrack are the only things this game does better than the Karoshi Suicide Salaryman series. Credit where credit is due, it's a pretty good-looking game. It isn't pandering to the retro aesthetic that so many pixelated modern games do, and I appreciate that. There's also a fair amount of effort put into this game, and a substantial amount of levels for the price. There's even a speedrun mode, which is nice to have even if I'd never use it.

Unfortunately, that doesn't change the fact that playing this game is a chore. The controls are archaic - you press up to jump instead of having a dedicated jump button separate from your movement buttons. It's a little thing but you get thrown off every once in a while. It's difficult, and not in the way a game like Dark Souls or Castlevania is difficult. Think I Wanna Be The Guy or something that's unfairly hard in an attempt to artificially extend the playtime.

The gameplay feels similarly dated, as there are no checkpoints. If the levels were shorter, this wouldn't be a problem, but far too often you'll accidentally screw up later in the level, so you'll hit the R button (which you have to find out on your own) only to find yourself back at the beginning, and have to slog through a puzzle you already know how to do but don't move quick enough to do so without getting frustrated.

The price doesn't save a game from not being fun. I know it might seem unfair to keep comparing this to a different game, but I cannot emphasize enough how much better the Karoshi series is at nearly everything Squishy the Suicidal Pig attempts. From the treatment of an inherently messed up subject matter to having to temporarily avoid killing yourself, every single thing in Squishy the Suicidal Pig feels like it's been done better before, and for free.

The one comfort is I've already sold the cards I got from wasting my time on this and gotten my money back.