I Sexually identify as Big smoke from Grand Theft Auto San Andreas. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of rollin' up to Cluckin' Bell to order two number 9's, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45's, one with cheese, and a large soda. People used to tell me that I would never be a large black man capable of gorging myself with such a meal, But they're wrong. I'm consulting an expert on racial reassignment surgery and am having a surgery to obstruct my eye sight requiring me to wear glasses. From now on I want you to call me Melvin and respect my right as an American to eat as much food as I want. Thank you all for being so understanding.

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