"It was almost as if a sixth sense had informed me. I sensed the sausage pounding from all of the hole's walls from: the left side, the right side, the top, the bottom, and not to mention, the deep gorge that lay in the back.

Then I returned back to the realm of reality, and my five senses. My ears had told me something else had transpired. Something had snapped like a twig, my ears professed. I gave a sharp turn, and peeked behind. Horrified, I gave a screech at the monstrosity that lay before me.

I saw two pieces of that beautiful meat kabob, split in half at a perfect ninety-degree angle. I stared into the now-broken meat stick. There were chunks of man-meat hanging from the deep crevaces of the keyhole, never to be seen again. I slowly closed my eyes and gave a mellow moan.

Then I opened my eyes, and saw the two pieces of meat lying on the floor. One humongous half, drizzled with lubricated oil; and the other half, diminutive and dry. With his soft, sensitive hands, Mr. White picked up the smaller half. He swallowed it whole, without chewing.

I reprimanded the man, "That's not how you pick a lock you barbaric beast! Not with that massive, succulent sausage. We're done."

And with those final remarks, I would never be able to see his sausage thrusted into my keyhole ever again."