There is no black and white, good or bad, happy or sad, alive or dead, nor is there an exact point in between.
We are not benevolent nor malevolent, we simply are.

Some humans look for perfection in their actions, their work, their personality, their life, but some also want to stay neutral to everything, just to hide themselves in the mass of the other "normal" people, getting left alone with nobody noticing their imperfection.
I used to do so too.

After all these years I have learnt that reaching normality and/or perfection is an impossible goal.
Therefore, Life gave us three illusions about all of our lifes:
normal behavior or points of view, as well as objective normality
perfect life forms and/or personalities
Dreams

The only one you can truly trust is the last one.

Spoken less indirectly: Dreams are to be followed, provided they are somewhat realistic.
Appreciate your life and its aspects, even the most basic ones.
On another note, self-reflection goes a long way in your journey of finding your happiest self.