I think everyone knows by now that the easiest way to get a huntsman spider to stop coming in your house is to flip it over and suck its ♥♥♥♥. Hear me out. Carry a spatula around and when you see one, flip it onto its back. They're surprisingly docile once they're in that position. Then, all you need to do is gently press on its abdomen to retract its penis. It will be small: approximately the size of a thin pencil eraser. Use the tip of your tongue to manipulate it to full erection, then suck with your lips until it ejaculates: usually 30-45 minutes later.

If you don't feel the rush of semen, you will know by its legs scratching playfully at your face when it gets oversensitive afterwards. The main trick is not to swallow the spider semen. Trust me, I know it will be tempting. But no, pick up the spider and let him outside, then drool its ejaculate material near the entrances to your house. Spiders are highly promiscuous, and its semen mixed with your saliva will signal him to move on to another house. Spiders do NOT like to get their ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ by the same person twice.

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Personally, I've always been partial to the old Japanese furry masters. Nothing like slipping on a pair of archivists gloves and holding in your own hand a 12-block ukiyo-e print of a hot wolf-man threesome. Tilting it just so to observe the fine karazuri work on the enormous knotted ♥♥♥♥♥, knowing that no less than three master craftsmen dedicated their entire professional lives in the lead-up to creating this sublime object, once but a consumer novelty for the long dead fursuiters of the Yoshiwara pleasure district. The delicate but decisive brushstrokes that delineate each tuft of fur and spurt of lupine ♥♥♥♥, cut with unimaginable delicacy into fine-grained cherry wood and printed on luxuriously thick hosho mulberry paper; the powdered mica mixed in with the cinnabar based ink to depict the glistening drool that slathers from their passionate kisses.

Plebs these days will never understand real art.

I had a girl come over one day. The second she walked inside, I threw her on the couch, took off her shoes, and put on her favorite TV show so she could relax and feel comfortable. Then I forced her to the kitchen, shoved her over the dining table, and cooked a nice candle-light dinner. Then I finally carried her to my bedroom, ripped off her clothes, and gave her a new set of pajamas so she could sleep comfortably.

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