"Now I'm older but with all your guidance.. Even with all my flaws, you've taught me to rise up through all the stars and shine so bright. One might ask, who cares if one more light goes out? But I do. I just hope, throughout it all, I'll find peace in this life."

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I often find myself reflecting on my life, especially the time when I was a child. Back then, life seemed like a dream, floating by gently without any of the complexities I understand now. I’d say it all started to change when I was around 10. That was when I feel like I truly gained consciousness—when I became aware of life’s challenges. Since then, things have felt heavier. There have been good moments, sure, but in many ways, the difficult times have been more frequent, more intense.

Now, as I stand on the brink of adulthood, I find myself feeling a strange mix of emotions. Honestly, I never thought I’d make it to eighteen. It always felt so far away, as if I’d never reach it. Yet, here it is, just around the corner, waiting for me. And despite all these years I’ve spent on this earth, I still don’t feel like I have it figured out. I don’t know what I’m doing, and it’s unsettling.

I don’t have grand dreams or specific aspirations, and that makes me feel lost sometimes. All I want is to be myself, to live authentically, but even that feels like a selfish goal. Maybe I am selfish, in some ways. I can’t help but think about all my flaws—how I’m not as talented as the people around me seem to be. Everyone else seems so good at what they do, due to all their hardwork. And when it comes to the things I love, the things I really care about, I’m not even good at those, no matter how hard I try. It feels like no matter what I do, I’ll never measure up.

Yet, despite all this uncertainty, I still have hope. It’s strange to think about, but deep down, I believe I can be better, that I can grow and rise above all of this. I don’t know where that hope comes from, but it’s there, quietly pushing me forward. Maybe I will rise through the stars one day.

I often think about what comes after this life. Is there anything after death? Is it an endless abyss, or something more, like heaven or hell? I have no answers, no certainties. But what I do know is that, whatever awaits me, I want to make sure I enjoy the time I have on this earth. Whether some form of an afterlife is real or not, I want to find peace and fulfillment while I’m here.

Sincerely, Faith.