Recent reviews by Cryptonix

This game is the absolute 100% worst piece of absolute ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ scum ever to have been even somewhat conceptualized by an individual consciousness within the multiverse. I swear to all that is supernatural and holy, this game makes me want to shove the tallest, thickest, spickiest cactus I can locate so far up my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ rectum that it will make Sandy look like a fist ♥♥♥♥. I could sit here and point out every single microscopic, subatomic aspect or feature of this game that sucks the fattest load of demon ♥♥♥♥♥, but that would not do this game nearly any critical justice as it is just that ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ unbarable. The first time I loaded this game up, I knew I was in for a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ treat. I get in the game and immediately I'm vomitting buckets at how horrifying and deficient this game is. It took the most durable carbon nanotube cojones that I had to even make it through a single time quanta more of this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ at this point. After the most excruciating and most miserable experience of my life simply sitting through the awful and embarrasing gameplay, I was absolutely finished even thinking about this pile of horse semen. I would rather sit and take Satan and all of his children's fiery ♥♥♥♥♥ down every orifice of my anatomy while listening to a mashup of every pop/grunge rock/hip-hop/rap song in the past 10 years than ever allow another being to even so much as enter a universe where this game exists. To Valve and to every dispicable human being who believes even a little bit that this game is acceptable, I wish that you all stop and commit the most horrible suicide you could ever experience. ♥♥♥♥ Counter-Strike: Global Offensive.