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what the ♥♥♥♥

I have no idea what the ♥♥♥♥ RGG was thinking when they made this game... complete and total acid trip of a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ yakuza title, virtually no yakuza gameplay for the first like 12 chapters as you do silly things like become a taxi driver / street racer, escape from jail on a snow mobile and fight a 12 foot tall bear in the woods bare handed, engage in dance battles and singing minigames playing as the stupid child from previous titles. Finally once you get to the Akiyama storyline you get to punch some bad guys and then you get to play as John Baseball or whatever the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ name was and have some of the worst ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ combat I've ever seen. Anyway once you get to the final chapter the finale takes like 2 and a half ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hours and the boss is a completely irrelevant character with like 15 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ health bars despite being a total pushover in every other respect. 5/5 stars

In a world dominated by corrupt YakuzaTM, play as John Financial, John Hitman, John Police, and John Yakuza in your quest to do something vaguely related to John Hitman's half sister, and John Police's boss, also Evil Eyepatch guy is back and all of the enemies REALLY want to give you a hug... but at least they don't block as hard in this game.

John Yakuza must come out of retirement to fix the Tojo clan he once retired from, The U.S. military industrial complex is also somehow involved. Now featuring 10x as many stupid children you need to manage.

John Yakuza is an up and coming YakuzaTM before being expelled from the YakuzaTM for a murder he didn't commit, Whilst evil eyepatch man attempts to rejoin the YakuzaTM after being expelled for something that was probably very relevant to the YakuzaTM universe. Watch as both characters surpass everyone above then despite minimal experience through the power of punching people really hard and also breakdancing.

John Yakuza gets roped out of retirement in to a YakuzaTM clan war. Shenanigans ensue.

After 10 years in the joint makes John Yakuza a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥, emerge from the slums of kamurocho and fight the evil eyepatch man over and over again whilst everyone you love dies around you one by one.

Over 1 year post launch and I apparently still have days I cant play the game I paid for because online only or some other overkill ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, still negative, ♥♥♥♥ game and ♥♥♥♥ practices.

Beat the game in 3 hours, whoops.

Where were you during the October 24th 2024 Scout Pants Incident?