Forgive me fellow Steam users, for I have committed a most heinous sin.

I did not earn the "Fector's Challenge" achievement from Stardew Valley. I used a mod to make myself invulnerable in the Journey of the Prairie King mini-game in Stardew Valley because I sucked so hard at it that in a trillion alternate universes, none of me would ever make it close to the end of the game. This cruel and unforgiving reality drove me to insanity, bringing me to psychological lows deeper than the abyss of Tartarus itself, resulting in me accidentally getting this achievement. Allow me to explain.

You see, my mind, long deprived of progress in Journey of the Prairie King, tortured me with perpetual and invasive Stardew themed hallucinations initially of Krobus who, admittedly, may have just been the sleep paralysis demon. Which in some ways makes it even worse, because that means this demonic supernatural entity is choosing to make fun of me for being bad instead of doing other more important demon things like possessing people, making rigged deals or reverse crab walking at innocent beings like they seem to always end up doing. The sleep paralysis Krobus-demon was joined by Pierre, who didn't actually say anything and I should be grateful for this because Pierre sucks and his voice would punish my soul with every syllable. Yet somehow, his silence only served to anger me even more. Plus, I sold him a pink cake one time in game and he immediately sold it to someone else, who praised him for it and now I refuse to ever sell him anything at all. That was *MY* cake. *I* deserved that praise. *I* am the GOOD BOY, NOT PIERRE. WHO'S A GOOD BOY? WHO'S A GOOD BOY?? THAT'S RIGHT ITS ME THAT'S WHO I'M THE GOD BOY

Despite my undeniable reputation as the "good boy" (not Pierre) my madness only progressed over time. Soon, the junimos began to haunt my every waking moment by following me around, making that sound that they do and shaming my poor dancing skills with their own vicious and impressive break dancing. No amount of prayers to any gods alleviated the symptoms. Blood magic failed. Human sacrifice failed. Demons would not help me. And so with the gods having abandoned me, my royal blood spilled for no reason, numerous humans allegedly being murdered in ritualistic sacrifices which I know absolutely nothing about and my succubus girlfriend threatening to break up with me I turned to the one last entity of power remaining- Nexus Mods.

After attaining godhood by altering reality and using my divine powers to influence the world contained in an arcade cabinet in The Stardrop Saloon I "conquered" the Journey of the Prairie King, saving myself from going through another divorce wherein some demon woman would take my dog from me and only unknowingly let me see it every now and then when I manage to tunnel my way into her backyard (a trick I learned from my time in the Vietnam War where I was a mercenary fighting in the name of the Antarctic Empire) and also curing my psychosis.

However, much to my dismay I would be punished with an even more painful reality than the agony of not knowing the entire Journey of the Prairie King which had tormented me before. One far worse than my many divorces, or that time I met someone else wearing a tyrannosaurus Rex costume in the park, like I was, and I was fooled into having a tea party with them only for them to smack me with a comically large pickle jar and perform the Orange Justice dance over top of my broken body, leaving me traumatized and smelling of pickles (I hate Fortnite).

I had gained an unearned achievement. To make matters worse, it is a very rare achievement. So rare, in fact, that it is shown on my rarest achievement showcase, desecrating my rarest achievement showcase indefinitely. To acquire the achievement you must beat the entire Journey of the Prairie King without dying a single time. Tragically, I was so focused on seeing all of the arcade game that I failed to anticipate any consequences. If only I had thought to look at the achievements, I could have seen Fector's Challenge and stopped myself from defiling my Steam profile with a false accomplishment.

I will never forget the anguish as my heart sank and I wept to the endless tune playing in the saloon.

The emotional agony from this is only just above that scene from Up (you know the one) that I'm confident was made by a sadist and that scene with Littlefoot and his mother in the Land Before Time, as well as the aftermath of that scene. And it is on equal ground with the tragic deaths in The Fellowship of the Ring, those ASPCA commercials or just anything at all from the game To The Moon, really.

Seeing as a circus clown that I know for a fact was a skinwalker stole my self-heating cat o' nine tails and since I traded my Spongebob Squarepants x Five Night's at Freddy's limited edition crossover paddle that I used to spank myself with (it left a big "I'M READY" mark on you, or you could flip it and it would leave a Freddy Fazbear head) for a signed copy of the three time Oscar award winning blockbuster movie "50 First Dates" starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, I have decided to place an achievement showcase at the top of my profile with my confession directly underneath it.

Though my rarest achievement showcase was once a source of pride and accomplishment, it should be placed at the top no longer, considering the fact that my grievous crime should be known before anything else. I only intended to add the achievement once to that showcase but I accidentally did it twice and couldn't figure out how to remove one, so I just put it in every single slot to shame myself even more.

I truly, deeply apologize for what I've done. If my sincere lamentation cannot pierce the incredibly high and dense walls you've put up around yourself because of your trauma which you can't seem to move past, and it fails to reach your heart, then I hope my self-inflicted punishment and eternal shame will move you to forgive me or, at the very least, understand why I did what I did and how this undeserved achievement was accidentally attained. I assure you I will write unnecessary and emotionally/psychologically wounding things on my naked, pudding coated body as I sit on the idiot stool, facing the corner, with my dunce hat on and my "bad dog" collar around my neck, strangling me enough to be uncomfortable but not arousing (probably).

Do not make the mistake that I did. Quell the urge to satisfy your relentless thirst for knowledge through dishonourable means and consider the potential consequences of your actions. Teach yourself to be patient. Train yourself to yearn for results gained from hard work. Set long term goals and reach them yourself or with supportive people around you. Your impulses leading you to immediate gratification only poison your mind against fulfillment gained from consistent dedication and will one day send you spiraling into an endless cycle that will make you more depressed and apathetic until you destroy yourself chasing the feeling of accomplishment you can never reach as it remains just outside of your grasp. Start changing yourself before you need to save yourself.

I appreciate you listening to my confession.
Thank you for your time.


Forcefully yours,

-Dingo