🔍 Self-Improvement Station

📚 Learn how to smoke like a grown-up:
https://youtu.be/g02ynD_dWCA?si=9jniNGHWMjk94pob&t=125
(Time-stamped so you don’t have to think too hard)

📍 Learn your lineups like you actually know you're playing a team game:
https://csnades.gg/mirage
(Because guessing where to throw a nade isn't "game sense," it's gambling, leave it to the cases)

🧍‍♂️ Learn Where to Stand So You Stop Dying First Every Round:
https://youtu.be/CIY-YNI7Hys?si=_Exu9LZHRkm9jGjY&t=7
(Positions, angles, off-angles, it is basic geometry, but with more consequences)

💬 Conflict Resolution Zone

If you're experiencing dissatisfaction with your recent gameplay experience involving me, we take that very seriously. I invite you to follow our standardized support procedure:

Submit a formal grievance via the Hurt Feelings Report – Form #ID-10T https://forms.gle/agUz2iN3w3iL5BJC6

Clearly outline the issue, including timestamps of when your disappointment peaked, and attach relevant screenshots, preferably with red circles, arrows, and aggressive annotations.

Wait 3–5 business days for your complaint to be reviewed by a team of underpaid interns.
(Also me )

Receive a detailed, professional, corporate response ensuring you that your feedback has been “noted” and “taken into consideration for future matchmaking experiences.”

If all means necessary to reach me fail, please feel free to contact my boss
https://steamproxy.net/profiles/76561198173714817

🏋️‍♂️ Strength & Conditioning Verification Bureau

Before engaging in any form of debate or trash-talk, please provide the following:

Your Strava activity for the past month 🏃

Your iPhone Health app stats (steps, calories, Avg HR, etc.) 📲

Your most recent deadlift or squat PR

We’ll compare performance metrics before deciding if this conversation continues. 😎


Note: Harassment, excessive flaming, or unsolicited "keep yourself safe" advice will be redirected to our Mental Health and Cooldown Recovery division.