(Very minor spoilers ahead about a few existing spells that exist; names of 3 enemies, mentions of game mechanics.)


Noita is a game with so many ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ secrets, testosterone and specific mechanics injected into it that I am quite sure if i already didn't speak Finnish then I am sure it would melt my cerebellum into a liquid while I shout "S T E N D A R I" at people walking on the streets (this is a joke. I do not go outside). If you play the game your brain capacity will simultaneously grow by a minimum of 30% and also cave in while causing you to develop severe symptoms of psychosis. You need a PhD in wand building if you want to not explode yourself; both in game accidentally with every single spell and in real life intentionally with a homemade improvised explosive after realising you didn't have enough mana so you just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ exploded yourself or ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up the secret you were trying to do. Even if you know how everything works then you just still might have that happen since whoops, seems you didn't know that very specific interaction that only happens when you are standing on one foot under a blood moon while playing checkmating your opponent's king with your left foot with a bishop. You know the game is cooked when the game's name itself is a term for some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ happening (Getting Noita'd). The game is out to ♥♥♥♥ your run over, so you adapt and lock the ♥♥♥♥ in like the true giga chad sigma male you are and cast a nolla modified nuke without explosion immunity (Trust it is a good idea).

Some of what I am saying might sound like criticism, but it is the polar opposite. The wand building? Immaculate. The map? Beautiful. Alchemy? It makes so much sense, yet is so complex. The enemies? Just some normal enemies you could find in ANY game such as:
1. Haulikkohiisi. Some drunk guy with a shotgun.
2. Hämis. Literally just a silly spider guy.




3. S̵͚͙̼̜̈́̋̿̀̐̆͋̒ A̶̛͓̗̯͎͚̟̰͖͉̮͆̍̇͋̑͊̒̋̊̈́͗̈́͠ Ũ̴̢̡̻̻̺͙̮̜͚̣̙̺̻̺͎͋̔̾̏͛̏̏͋̍̐̚ V̵͎͈͙͓̜̠̪̒̾̄̿́̇̔̆͛͛̽̕͠͝ Ǫ̴̡̪̦͔̙̖̬̭͓̮̳̦͐̿̇̈́͂͂͆̉͜͝ J̶̢̧̢̘͍̬̬̮̊̐̍͆͛̍̀̿̽̈́͊̕͘̕ E̷̢̢̻͈̳̫̱̫͕̗̼̭̅́́̐́͘ N̴̬̥̺͇̘̎͆́͝ ̸̨̺͚̬̐̏T̸̡̫͖̤̙̳͋͋͐̿̓͊̇͝ U̵̥̬̍͆ N̶̢͔̦̤̹̰̦̞̝̻̹͚͙̖̙͗͑̏́̑ T̴̩̭̥̜̀͗͐ I̷̢̤̜̤̟̋͑̃ J̷͍̱̒͛̎͊̃̂͌͆̒̿ Ą̵͍̲̩̱͓̘͖̯̏͐͐́͌̒̈̅̐̒́̈̂͆͘ Ḫ̶̪̳͖̃̎͗͑̓́̔̌̉̕̕͝Ȇ̷̩̮̳͛̊Ĺ̴̯̦͈̫̗̩̗̋̆̃̏̔̇͋̉͘͝P̶̖͔̱̘̻̳͕͓͚̹̙̺̞̱̼̊͑͝ ̸͇̭̻̪̰̰͓̈́̉̃͋̓̈̍͌́̐̊̇́̓H̶̡̧̧͇̱̲͇͇̖̼̯̥̪̱̪͆̂̿̇̐́͠Ę̸̢̙̥͙̼̜̲̥͍̣͓̰̐̄͌̅̌͗͛̕͠Ḷ̵̡̨̯̭̟͖̻̹̺͚̫͕̏͜P̸̛͔͙̣͇̯͔̜͔̳͎̹̩̳͌ ̵̤̜̭̯̱̟̬̇̆͂̆͂͜Ḩ̶͖̥̮͇͕̖̞̣̫͙͇͉͆̽̂̾͌́͂̈́̋͒̇̓̇͋̕E̸̛̦̙̫̣͕̙̓̈̽͆̂̊̎̐̽͂̆͠͠͠L̷̛͍̟̪̭̩̻̥͚̂̈́̾̅̅͊̌̍̀̊̒̋̀̚P̴̛͎͑͐͐̈͠ ̶̛͙͊̉̑̑̎͒H̴̨̨̤̲͕̗̳̺̥̼̱̼̗̭͊̃̍̃̽̔̀̓͆̐̀͝͝͝E̴̢̧̘͙̰̫̩̘͔̮̘͊̀̍̿̃͌̄͐̍͜͝ͅL̵̥̗̗̝͚̘̥̓͐̉̀̏͘̕͠Ṗ̵̪̤͍̈́̽̓͐̃͊̀͝ ̷̗͖̗̄͒̔́̃̒̄̇̅́͐̎͘̚H̵̨̛̬̲̪͇͕̭̓̓̋̂̉̀̀̏̒́͝͝͝͠Ȩ̸̺̼́͋́̀̀̋̎̐͗̚L̵̳̹̐̾̅̓̒̇̂̇͌͊P̸̧̜̮̟̼̰̠͈̼̪͗͑̀͂̈͆̎̎͂͝ͅ ̷̦̄̐̏̇̓̄͝Ḩ̷̹̖͔̳͍͖͎͛̊͑̈́̈́̎͠͝͝͝ͅḘ̵͖͓̂̈́̈̈́̄̒̕̚͠ͅL̴̛̛͇̟͍̓̐̍̒̉̌P̸̛͖͈͓͚̦͚̥̝̱͈̮̭̾̂̒̃̈́̽̀̋̀́̐̿̅ ̷̡̟̺͉̝̠̺̘̫̑̍̌̊̓̈́̋̔͝H̴̢̨̺̞͔̘͕̫̖̞͙̔͑̇̊̋́̽͐́̏͐̃́͘͜ͅȨ̵̠̫͖̭̹͍͎̞͕̜̼̬͍͌̋̃̈͠͝ͅL̵̯̣̩͎͔̥̩͇̪̮̘̑̽͛̔̓̔̄́̅͌͆́ͅP̸̠̮̬̬̟̞̩̹̟̞̳͇͕̒̔̂̽̽̊͆̊͗̀̕͜ ̵̢̒ͅH̴̢̧̟̣͈͖̺̱̤̦̓͒̂́́͐̀̋̇͜͜Ȩ̸̟̗͕̺͈͇̗̥͉͙̫͔̾͗̍̍̾̆͋̀̃̀L̴̗̠̼̜͇̩͖̭͎̊̐̈̾̊͘P̴̛̗̰͊̉͂̽̿́̋̿̅̂̽͠ ̸̩̮̜͌͗̊̋̾͘Ḩ̸̼̻̣̘͚̺̫͙͂̀̍̄̀̿͌̓͋͊̔̄͝E̴̼͙̾L̷̨̨̡̬͉̠̰̪̹̥̰̠͖̖͑͊̌P̸̻̮̅.




The wand building is complex, but that is since it actually follows a specific rules. It isn't just random ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ which is indecipherable and you just have to pray for the best; you can actually understand it. And it isn't just "oh you got good spell now you win" necessarily. Sure some luck comes into play and praying that you get a specific projectile or modifier to complete your wand, but usually there are so many possibilities for good wands that you can just adapt to what you get as long as you have enough knowledge about how the wand building functions. Even a 100 hours in I am constantly learning new stuff about the game and even the community itself is. Someone literally beat the game in two ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ seconds using some specific ass mechanics and wand building??

The alchemy, usually overlooked it also beautiful. How each seed has 2 unspecific concoctions (no spoilers :]) with a random recipe of 3 other materials or liquids. It makes you feel like an actual alchemist in the 1300s mixing random ♥♥♥♥ and hoping something cool happens. Even with all the randomness the game never feels straight up unfair. You are always given the same starting tools: 2 basic wands and a random potion from a small pool of options. One wand is to kill basic enemies and one to blow up the terrain. There is this feeling of sureness and comfort knowing that when you start that new game; that it can be a god run if you just do the correct thing. Yet it never is too much where you feel like the game is too easy and gets repetitive due to the whole random seed mechanic.

I will not get into the details about the mods, but holy ♥♥♥♥. Imagine everything I mentioned on a lethal dose of fentanyl and steroids; kicked in the balls and thrown off a plane. You can play as amogus (Among us player character) while you spam the sh1t button to move faster (Fair mod) and steal the enemies souls (Souls mod).

Overall I highly recommend that you play the game by yourself without external help and without guides. The patience you will need is immense, but the satisfaction of learning the mechanics and secrets of the game heavily outweighs it. I personally looked up info on the game, since the creators of the game almost don't want you to find some of the secrets and I am not much of a puzzle solver. Even if it seems impossible to figure something out; you CAN figure everything out without external help with enough determination and observational skills.

"The sacrifice of oneself to the pursuit of knowledge
is the highest tribute to the gods."

If you aren't a puzzle solver like me; I still highly recommend the game, as it offers a unique experience that I haven't found in anything else. Looking up guides and explanations has it's own sense of accomplishment and awe, since you know someone figured that out by themselves. It's like reading the aged literature of a genius. So choose: Do you want to read the literature someone passed down to you; or will you become that genius who writes it?