I was so stubborn as a child that my parents were never able to successfully have me potty trained. They ended up having to get a psychologist to give me an irrational fear of toilets so I would wet myself in terror whenever I was standing in front of one. It would work perfectly if I didn't have to explain all the screaming whenever I use a public restroom.

I only do one move when I dance and it's called "The Ahoy Ahoy". It's just non stop saluting like a sailor with both hands in time with the thump of the bass. I do not know if it is actually a good move but I do know that one time a guy who I think was a professional basketball player did a cool guy nod at me when I was doing the dance.

I love to sit back and reminisce about those splendid summer afternoons that I spent as a boy sitting in the ol' tire swing pretending I was a 30 inch chrome rim on the Range Rover of somebody important.

I play basketball for two reasons. Reason one is that I'm incredibly lonely and when I'm dribbling a basketball I can pretend it's the feeling of getting hundreds of little high fives from life long chums. Reason two is slam dunks.