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I had a good day of waitressing for once, so I gave a homeless man $20 on the walk home.

Homeless Man: There must be a mistake!

Me: No mistake. I can afford to cut back a little. Have a wonderful day.

Homeless Man: (tearing up)

Suddenly, a shrieky little voice rang out. A pasty dude wearing a trenchcoat and a fedora barrelled toward me.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥: The ♥♥♥♥ are you doing??!!!

He yanked the $20 bill from the homeless man’s grip, slicing his fingers on the paper. He stuffed the bloody bill in my face.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥: No. NO. You worked for this money while he sat on his ass and jerked off. YOU KEEP IT.

He threw the money in my face.

Me: What the ♥♥♥♥ is your problem, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥??

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥: Listen to me, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ useless female. I’m from New York City, where the homeless have the decency to try and work for money, whether it’s shining your shoes, cleaning your windshield, or just doing a little dance on the street corner. I once saw a man with one leg hop in a circle for hours to make $6 in change! That’s the difference between a classy homeless person... and a BUM.

Me: Well this is my money. I earned it. I’ll use it any way I like. How do you get your money if you’re so important?

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥: I don’t need a job because my mom gives me money!

A crowd had formed. Everyone was glaring at this scumbag and a few were even cheering me on.

Homeless Man: You want a dance, you little prick?

Everyone turned to see this homeless man rising to his feet. To our amazement, he began to perform a pitch-perfect, Korean style dance.

Homeless Man: Oppa homeless style!

The crowd erupted. We all began to join in the dance, save for ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, who turned bright purple.

Everyone: Op! Op! Op! Oppa homeless style!

I threw my $20 at the homeless man’s feet. Everyone else followed suit, tossing money at him. A woman in a suit gave him her gold watch. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ took off running while the rest of us danced into the night.