Recent reviews by BigBean

Risk of rain, more like Risk of suicide. This game has tormented me just like Ubisoft devs torment cats.
This game has nothing to do with rain, in-fact the game doesn't even have a single drop of the stuff in the entire game, Clearly the dev has never seen a drop of rain either. They probably coded this game for months without water and eventually turned into a pile of sand and dust after finally submitting this game to steam.
The dev probably looked like pruney fingers in real life, I'm saying probably looked because they already have faded into a small pile of dust.
I think the games name "risk of rain" Is referencing how your life will be in real life after suffering on this game. Sad, alone, depressed with rain pouring down on top of you.

NO SPOILERS REVIEW

I played this game thinking WOW this game looks so good to then turn my camera and realise Im running at a total of 4 frames, if that wasn't enough my pc caught fire and burned my entire apartment building down. Thanks Sony. after I bought a new pc and apartment building I realised the game still ran like ♥♥♥♥, alas I was still able to play the game. after you load in you quickly learn that Varl is a wild animal and lives in bushes. after he jump-scares you by coming out of the bush you'll realise hes now going to follow you around like a lost dog.
This is just one problem, you will not be able to predict the games story, like seriously you could think ohhh i see whats going on to then being hit by a train at 200mph going the other direction. (This happens multiple times)
This games ending is surprisingly ♥♥♥♥ im not gonna lie. although most of the story is really good apart from the ungodly amount of yapping Aloy does throughout the entire game, sometimes i think she actually might be insane with the amount she talks to herself. The game will never beat zero dawn in terms of story, but i think it got pretty damm close.
Well done Bethesda!

Half dead, I think I was half dead by the time i finished downloading this sack of ♥♥♥♥, No seriously I was on my death bed and being given O2 though my nose. My cat unfortunately passed away by the time I finished the game as the maze was longer than a ubisoft employees lunch break. I would've been more entertained by giving the 79p to a homeless person, alas it went to waste on this ♥♥♥♥. There lucky that id missed my 2 week refund date or i would have been spending that 79p on half dead 2

Leenie bog this masterpiece made by chillas art is a statement for all roleplaying games to be more like this. This Masterpiece had absolutely nothing to do with a cat pumping simulator like what was advertised on ubisofts snapchat story. Unfortunately this game did happen to install ubisoft cummect this was a tragedy as it hacked into my cats membrane causing it to make its way over to the ubisoft servers my cat will now be used to host multiple servers and multiple cat pumping sessions offline. Be warned do not install if you have a cat. If not you will be fine

labrynthine i mean what the ♥♥♥♥ where they thinking when they named this sack of ♥♥♥♥, the game consists of many reused free assets off of the unity ass store all crammed into a single can of ♥♥♥. my cats name is lybrinthine which is probably why it had been pumped by a ubisoft employee its a shame because they put so little effort into this game but they put all the effort into the trailer, the trailer was also ♥♥♥♥ by the way

Halo reach, This part of the spaceship lore was entirely ignored in the main story-line DLC. I was so disappointed in this DLC as its missing one big thing Good? graphics!??? WHERE ARE THEY?? I mean seriously you'd think by 2019 that xbox ceo Bill Gates the cat pumper would have thought about making the games graphics up to standard? Seriously??? the games graphics are so bad they could run this game on a Nokia brick. Very disappointed

I would love to say that this games good, But it ♥♥♥♥♥♥ aint. The problem lies in the Engine, yeah you guessed it. The game was made in Unreal Engine 5. What is it with this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ engine that makes the game devs cling to it like free assets. As we loaded into a lobby and our first map I was greeted with a whopping 12fps this was unbelievable, my poor Windows 98 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ was holding on for deer life. The maps themselves look good from the outside but the moment you enter you realise there utter ♥♥♥♥♥ because they added a 30metre long hallway to the back of a completely normal house. I get that this dramatic change in the design of the map was to make it look less like a copy of phasmophobia although we already knew it was a copy and that's why we bought it so why hide it. The only enjoyable part of the game was creating my own abomination of a character. Basically this game is Phasmophobia With Better Graphics!

Sigmatised property, I'll be honest the game hasn't got much scare apart from that one ending with the ubisoft employees. One of the "jumpscares" was this one in the alleyway it was supposed to be some weird ghost girl standing at the end of the alley but because of the state that the graphics are in I thought it was a canoe stood up vertically. As I bombed it towards the canoe I had flashbacks of when I was shipped across the ocean in one of ubisofts "torture crates" Anyway the game has a 10/10 from me worth the $0.50 you pay for it!

ready to pump!

ahls o sa a n grat game anyway pretty sip.,t yeah so basicall y i dont htink this is worht any of you r money!