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70 of 89 (79%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 7:55am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 25 Sep, 2017 @ 5:00am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 9:31am

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 8:53am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 25 Sep, 2017 @ 4:56am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 8:18am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 9:18am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 10:03am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 11:42am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 12:38pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 1:20pm

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 2:55pm

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 10 Jun, 2019 @ 1:27pm

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 22 Jul, 2018 @ 11:18am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 16 Oct, 2019 @ 11:38pm

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 11:06am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 28 Dec, 2018 @ 2:55am

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Unlocked 17 Oct, 2019 @ 12:03am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2018 @ 5:36am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 30 Jan @ 9:36am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 2:12pm

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 8:15am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 11:55am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 10:15am

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2018 @ 7:25am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 11:42am

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 1:24pm

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
Unlocked 27 Dec, 2019 @ 12:30am

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Unlocked 27 Dec, 2019 @ 12:30am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 16 Oct, 2019 @ 11:16pm

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 28 Dec, 2018 @ 3:27am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 10:28am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 25 Sep, 2017 @ 5:06am

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 10:02am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 1:03pm

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2018 @ 5:55am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 9:00am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2018 @ 6:48am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 25 Sep, 2017 @ 5:04am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 31 Dec, 2018 @ 9:07am

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 8:52am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 25 Sep, 2017 @ 4:49am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 10:27am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 8:50am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 10 Jun, 2019 @ 12:23pm

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 11:30am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2018 @ 6:25am

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 1 Feb @ 3:32am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 1:17pm

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2018 @ 9:57am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 10 Jun, 2019 @ 12:21pm

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 10 Jun, 2019 @ 10:50am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 28 Dec, 2018 @ 2:09am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 28 Dec, 2018 @ 1:50am

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2018 @ 9:50am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2018 @ 5:43am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 2:57pm

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 22 Jul, 2018 @ 9:02am

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 22 Jul, 2018 @ 9:49am

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 22 Jul, 2018 @ 10:40am

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 22 Jul, 2018 @ 12:00pm

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 1 Apr, 2020 @ 12:01pm

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.
Unlocked 22 Jul, 2018 @ 8:58am

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.
Unlocked 14 Feb, 2020 @ 3:44am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 22 Jul, 2018 @ 10:20am

Ladies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.
Unlocked 22 Jul, 2018 @ 10:36am

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 22 Jul, 2018 @ 1:14pm

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 14 Feb, 2020 @ 2:13am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 27 Dec, 2018 @ 2:31pm

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2018 @ 8:57am



Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
11 / 30

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
4 / 10

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
11 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
+5

5 hidden achievements remaining

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