You think your words can hurt?...


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"Why are people so mean?" seems to be a plaintive cry across the internet. Although the issue may be more prevalent online due to the anonymity and accessibility, it is by no means limited to the online community. Yet, other people's “meanness” impacts us more than it really needs to. The more that people can recognize that the meanness they experience from others is either unintentional or is more about the mean person rather than about them, the less they personalize the meanness and the less impact it has on them.

What is Personalizing?

Fran focused on doing a good job at work and because she tended to not spend much time chatting with her co-workers she tended to accomplish a great deal. In fact, it was apparent to everyone that she was able to complete more tasks than her co-workers who spent a great deal of time on their phones, playing on the internet, and talking with one another. One day, one of her co-workers came out of the supervisor's office and verbally attacked Fran: “I just got in trouble and it's all your fault! You make everyone else look bad by being such a brown-noser.” Fran, shocked and hurt, felt bad about herself because someone was angry with her.

Obviously, Fran hadn't done anything wrong. The problem in this situation was the co-worker who was directing her anger at Fran rather than taking responsibility for her own behavior. This misdirected self-protective behavior often occurs when someone has problems with insecurity which frequently leads to jealousy and blame.


However, even though Fran wasn't wrong, she still suffered the consequences of the co-worker's wrath. In fact, this is the purpose of such behavior, by blaming the problem on someone else and causing them to feel bad, the co-worker could feel better.

Personalization is interpreting someone's behavior as being about you or due to you and then feeling bad about yourself. If Fran could recognize that the co-worker's attack was due to the co-worker's personal problems and had nothing to do with her, she could more easily shrug it off and not suffer the consequences of it.








"The best CS player are the one who bully their best friends to the top of the ranks"

Marks gospel 3x:69

Thank you zabeto. ...thank you for everything

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