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78 of 89 (88%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 5:47am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 8 Feb, 2014 @ 12:49pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 8 Feb, 2014 @ 1:45pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 5:01am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 23 Jan, 2017 @ 4:33pm

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
Unlocked 28 Jan, 2017 @ 9:12pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 12:55pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 2:33pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 3:49pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 6:50pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 8:24pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 23 Jan, 2017 @ 7:14am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 23 Jan, 2017 @ 11:09am

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 3:47am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 9 Feb, 2014 @ 9:22am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 15 Feb, 2014 @ 2:12pm

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked 24 Jan, 2017 @ 4:42pm

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 4:43pm

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 5:36am

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 2:30pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 28 Jan, 2017 @ 8:27pm

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Unlocked 25 Jan, 2017 @ 7:31am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 25 Jan, 2017 @ 5:46am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 4:01am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 6:46pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 28 Jan, 2017 @ 7:27pm

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 15 Feb, 2014 @ 2:05pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 15 Feb, 2014 @ 1:32pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 3:55am

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Unlocked 30 Jan, 2017 @ 2:52pm

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 4:22am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 25 Jan, 2017 @ 6:27am

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 23 Jan, 2017 @ 9:04am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 27 Jan, 2017 @ 4:58pm

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 8 Feb, 2014 @ 1:46pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 4:27pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 8 Feb, 2014 @ 1:44pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 3:18pm

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 3:38pm

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 3:21am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 25 Jan, 2017 @ 6:25am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 6:53pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 8 Feb, 2014 @ 1:57pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 2:29pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 8 Feb, 2014 @ 1:45pm

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 28 Jan, 2017 @ 5:45pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 4:02pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 31 Jan, 2017 @ 2:16am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 5:26pm

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 28 Jan, 2017 @ 6:43pm

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 25 Jan, 2017 @ 2:21pm

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 23 Jan, 2017 @ 6:38am

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 4:10pm

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 28 Jan, 2017 @ 6:41pm

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 29 Jan, 2017 @ 9:16am

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.
Unlocked 28 Jan, 2017 @ 4:33pm

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 29 Jan, 2017 @ 10:29am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 25 Jan, 2017 @ 1:51pm

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked 25 Jan, 2017 @ 5:35pm

Gary vs. The K. Man

Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.
Unlocked 27 Jan, 2017 @ 9:09pm

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 22 Jan, 2017 @ 1:09pm

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 23 Jan, 2017 @ 11:10am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 23 Jan, 2017 @ 2:03pm

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 23 Jan, 2017 @ 5:03pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 24 Jan, 2017 @ 5:25am

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 24 Jan, 2017 @ 2:54pm

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 24 Jan, 2017 @ 5:46pm

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.
Unlocked 27 Jan, 2017 @ 8:29pm

Dick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.
Unlocked 28 Jan, 2017 @ 4:19pm

PooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.
Unlocked 25 Jan, 2017 @ 7:14am

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.
Unlocked 24 Jan, 2017 @ 3:54am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 28 Jan, 2017 @ 6:54am

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 7:53pm

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 27 Jan, 2017 @ 6:18pm

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 6:47pm

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
Unlocked 27 Jan, 2017 @ 6:59pm

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2017 @ 4:30am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 25 Jan, 2017 @ 2:11pm



Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
+2

2 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked