Just too awesome

His beard is regsitered with the FBI as a lethal weapon
when he jumps in water, he doesnt get wet, the water gets interesting.
the more he drinks the better his beard looks
He is a fusion of Mr T, Chuck Norris, and Bruce Lee
He's been known to strike lightning...but only with an open hand.
He once had an awkward moment... just to see how it felt.
He once told a joke that even mr.T laughed at
He is never late. whenever he arrives is on time
he once killed a fully grown bear with his pinky toe
He has never lost a game of horseshoes or hand grenades.
he can speak french, in russian
he lives vicariously... through himself.
he once built rome in a day
One time He punched me in the face...it was awesome.
He is never on the wrong side of the fence...ever
He once killed everyone in Mafia Wars. Just by thinking about it.
He makes the phrase “a whole new meaning” take on a whole new meaning
he knows who let the dogs out..
He doesn't sweat he is always cool...
he can walk a mile on his pecs
his arrogance is regarded as modesty
he anxiously awaited the second coming of christ...only to find himself
his skin marks are a divine revelation
the formula for ghirardelli chocolate was derived from one of his stool samples
the pH of his blood reflects the acidity of the finest red wine, yet remains unaffected to his health
He can hit a home run, without even swinging.
he once won the tour de fance without ever being in it. twice..
His saliva is an ample replacement for Holy Water
He does not hunt, but simply talks deer into giving him their antlers as trophies
One hour of conversation with him is equivalent to 16 years of college.
His charisma can be seen from outer space
He never has to turn on the lights, because there is no dark in his life.
When he walks he doesn't leave footprints, only his scent.
He learned how to play Chinese checkers.. in Japan.
He is both a Republican and Democrat, independently.
He doesn't get drunk, he just gets classier..
He doesn't believe in using oven mitts, or potholders
The book "Who's Who in America" lists his little black address book as its major source of information.
He doesn't get tickets for Driving While Intoxicated.. Instead, he gets tickets for Driving While Interesting..
He was the very first member anywhere to see a sign that says "Members Only."
He can speak braille fluently, and it is said, he writes his signature in sign language.
If he were to give you directions, you'd never get lost. And you would arrive at least 5 minutes early.
He has amassed an incredibly large dvd library, and it is said, that he never once alphabetized it.
He has never lost a sock.
He... is the most interesting man in the world.