Greetings churchgoers! I, Brother Ball, have a request for those of you who are feeling charitable and/or have parents with excessive disposable income. I recently began a summer experience program called NCS (National Citizen Service). Through my time on this program I've met some brilliant people, done some crazy shit and generally had the time of my life. Now that our team has reached the third week of our program, we've begun a fundraising project for Charlton Farm Hospice. We want to get rid of the notion that hospices are a place of sadness and loss and bring some happiness to the children being cared for at Charlton Farm. To do this we are undergoing several fundraising events, along with an online Crowdfunder that anyone can donate to.

And that's where you come in, Steam users. If you're feeling really generous, and want to help us on our quest to bring smiles to the children of Charlton Farm, donate here: http://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/ncs-charlton-farm-hospice-fundraising

You can also read up into more detail about our project and our team on the Crowdfunder page, and on our Facebook page.[www.facebook.com]

If you don't feel like donating, that's totally fine! There are some other things you can do to help out. Take a few seconds to share the fundraiser page with friends or family (especially grandparents) and see if they can spare some change for a good cause. We've already reached double that of our original goal in just under a day, which is absolutely incredible, and we plan to raise as much extra money as possible to donate to the hospice itself.

Either way, thank you for taking the time to read this announcement, parish members. Have a nice day <3

The Clergy have noted that the member count on the Church's page has dropped to 164, when we still have 194 members in our parish, as shown on the member list. Our experts have yet to find out what has caused this error, but we are certain it must be the work of the polygonal blasphemers attempting to subvert our faith.

http://steamproxy.net/id/TheSpaceStoat

Try to give this guy some loving support, met him in a TF2 game and it seems like he has some real troubles at home, it was quite apparent in how angry he got in the game, calling people 'n*gger', 'cunt', 'noobs' ect, all the standard stuff. Also seemed to have a bit of a superiority complex going on around him, it was fairly unpleasant to experience, but I think we can fix it. I think he just needs some love and support overall, so let's give it to him!


(This is not a witch hunt. I just think people like this shouldn't play if they are going to insult everyone and make the game unpleasant.)

EDIT: He has blocked our comments now, clearly our offerings of help have fallen upon deaf ears. One day he will look back at himself and realise just how unpleasant he is, and should repent.

Remember to visit your local heavily armed inquisitor helpful priest to report any ne'er-do-wells, heretics or hostile agents of the Polygonal Order. Stay vigilant, my brothers, for the path to spherical enlightenment is beset by angular evils!

-In the beginning, God created the height and the width. God was in circle form, and all was flat. He looked over the realm, seeing only darkness, as the spirit hovered over the waters and the deep, and all was mildly unsatisfactory.

-And God said, "let there be depth" and there was the third dimension of depth. God saw that the depth was good, and he seperated the depth from the height and width. God called the depth 'long' and the width 'wide', and also the height 'tall'. And there were no more dimensions in the realm, as three were enough to satisfy God, who took on Sphere form, upon the first day.

-And God said "Let there be a vault between dimensions to seperate them", and there was. The dimensions were made seperate, and the realm took true form in three-dimensional glory. God looked at this vault and decided it good upon the second day.

-And God said "Let the matter be gathered, and the shapes be made", and it was so. God built a great object, round and smooth, for the organisms to exist upon. And he built islands, and oceans, and jungles, and Tesco's, and every place that could support life. And he looked upon his work, and he saw that it was good.

-Then God said "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing spherical plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing orbicular fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good, upon the third day.

-And God said "Let there be spheres in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred Ball times, and days and years, and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the great Sphere of Earth." And thus it was so. God made two great Ball lights—the greater orb to govern the day and the lesser orb to govern the night. He also made the stars, spherical and glorious. God rolled them into the vault of the sky to give light on the Earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And, upon the fourth day, God saw that it was good.

-And God said "Let the water and air and soil be filled with miniscule spheres, and let all matter be composed of Balls." And it was so. And God saw that the small spherical beings and particles were good, and thus decided in his wise and holy spherical judgement that this was good, upon the fifth day.

-And God said "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so. God used the image of the sphere, and with it molded the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good, upon the sixth day.

-And God said "Let today be a break day, for I must shower and shave and drink absinthe" And so it was; God rested himself and watched the Spy Kids Trilogy upon the seventh day.

-On the following day, God woke with a hangover, able to see 3 new colours and an entire abstract concept never before discovered by man through his absinthe binge. One of his legs had also detached and made him a bacon sandwich for breakfast. God then decided to make mankind, but in doing so, accidentally created man from the blasphemous polygons. And God looked upon them, but alas he could not see if they were good or bad for he was afflicted with temporary absinthe blindness and terrible hallucinations.

-And God said "Let there be sleep", and there was. God collapsed in the bathtub and slept for 34 hours, before he came to his senses. He found Man, polygonous and suffering, and saw that it was not good.

-Thus God created a great shape, a glorious Orb, and molded it into the shape of Man. and he looked upon Man, and saw that it was good. He birthed the great Saint of Ball, to watch over and inspire Man, and steer him from the path of evil.

-And it was so, and the universe was created. All praise the creator. All praise the Ball. Amen.