Legs? Legs! 'Dis guy was kicking one of 'dese with HIS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ LEGS, and deh plastah was falling down!

Do you want karate? Well, our Jean-Claude Van Damme Fan Club has more karate than a fist to the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ crotch -- and judging by his last fifty movies, that's more than five times the legal limit for awesome martial artistry. He's kicked hundreds of people to death [Link 1], and he socks sumo wrestlers and sexually-confused brawlers right where they'll feel it the most [Link 2]. His right leg has killed more people than random Golden Retriever attacks, and he has made millions of dollars just by flexing his right arm [Link 3]. Jean-Claude is no ordinary man; nay, he is an icon, and we're his only fan club on STEAM that speaks the same language that he butchers as if it killed or kidnapped his parents, best friend, or significant other: English. (Although Jean-Claude has genuinely tried, there are times when the world's leading lingua franca slips right through his mighty fist of justice.)

We may have the paramilitary structure of a Japanese girl band, but our rules actually make sense:

I. Double Impact is the best movie ever. Show me someone who doesn't like Double Impact, and I'm gonna change 'dat becos' I'm gonna ♥♥♥♥ up his face.

II. Crippling groin injuries are no laughing matter. Jean-Claude derives no satisfaction from punching people in the balls; it is part of his daily commute.

Et numéro trois. You must register on iMDB and rate every Jean-Claude movie -- including the one where he just dances in the background for like ten seconds -- a 10/10. This includes the classics and his new movies like The Hard Corps, in which a bunch of hungry Rottweilers eat a bad guy whom he kicks into their kennel. ROTT. WEILERS.

IV. Jean-Claude once went ten rounds with John L. Sullivan himself.

V. Now remember: It's full-contact. There are three ways to win: 1) You knock the guy out. 2) Your opponent quits and shouts, "Matte!" It's like saying "Uncle!" 3) You throw the ♥♥♥♥♥♥ right off the runway.

1. Kickboxer: Distilled to its very essence.
2. Brawler goes for the knockout, but Jean-Claude *sunglasses* beats him to the punch.
3. Eight actors who look exactly the same on every movie poster.[www.cracked.com]