It's 3AM at the time of writing/posting this so I hope I get the message across, even if it may seem convoluted at first.

Every now and then, I have these moments of peace to myself which last a few minutes before having to do something, go somewhere, meet someone, etc. Tonight I had one of them again, and at such times, I like to just browse my profile and the groups I'm a part of. I like to check out my friend list and note certain events that seem interesting. Like how some people, despite Aze existing for more than 10 years and being discontinued for almost 8 now, still wear variations of the club tag or avatars on their profiles. Most of them are sadly not here anymore, ranging from 2 to 5, to more years of inactivity. Be it a new account, lost interest in the community or moving on with life, it both makes me happy and saddens me to see them, but it's mostly joyful nostalgia.

I remember the time when I got back from school and my first thought was to join the TS and see who was on and if we're playing any MW2 PUGs today. Usually Zia would be on, at the top of the server, with many others either in their own rooms, in parties of two-three, or in the lower channels with some friends, both Aze members and non such, just chilling or playing. I would "abuse" my server rank to join channels, even passworded, randomly, whenever I had nothing better to do and ask how people were and if they wanted to play something. I took those days for granted. Thought they would last forever, not realizing that in spite of us all growing together as friends, we were still growing nonetheless. Over the months, then years, some stopped joining the voice channels, coming online on Steam or answering messages for days on end, stating they were busy, had gotten a girlfriend/boyfriend, started work or had to focus on studies. It amazes me still to this day that we were such a varied group of individuals and everyone had their own thing - pros, artists, community managers, editors, moderators, casual players. One way or another, we were all connected through the Modern Warfare 2 hype back then, a game that's now 12 years old. That's almost half my life and to this day, regardless of what I play, whenever I come on to play anything, nothing ever comes close to matching my hours in that game. I know why. Back then, it was the most important thing for me to do these seemingly normal things and take them for granted. I wasn't grinding hours, stats, gear or anything, really. I was just enjoying the game and that it was my gateway to this group of people I liked spending time with so much.

Like I said, coming on TS, talking with you guys and girls, playing games, be it MW2 or something else further down the line, was the best thing to have happened to me. Some of you I've kept in close contact with. Some of you I have not. I'm ashamed to say I don't recognize every person in this group or the Hall of Fame. It's all just a distant memory now, even if we used to be closer at one point, some names don't ring a bell, but I don't regret spending the time I had back then with all of you, who helped me develop as a person throughout my hardest years. I dare claim that to still be so, even now, in-between jobs, apartments, friend. I am still having a much easier time now than in high school and the pressure I was put under back then, and thinking back to those days, playing MW2, Terraria, Minecraft, Battlefield, Counter-Strike and anything else I may not be recalling right now, it's thanks to Aze Refusion that I made it this far as a person.

So when I browse those groups and my friend list on these rare occasions, seeing some of you Offline for years on end, I never think of "cleaning up" or "getting rid of the past". No. I hope to see some of you online one day, for us to chat, like old pals. Exchange life stories, play a game, share experiences, but most important - feel like kids again, even though none of us are anymore. I tend to be a very pessimistic guy. It's my own fault, and I don't intend on changing that as I've grown used to living this way. Yet, when I see variations of our clan's and some others' different logos and tags from back then , I reminisce about those times and am hopeful to be able to hear from you again, past and 'current' members of this lovely community we used to be!

What I'm trying to say, without it sounding too cliché or silly, is Aze Refusion has been a big part of my life. So much so, that I still wear this avatar and am happy to accept anyone who adds me and recognizes me because of it since it helps me remember when times were simpler. I'm proud to have been a member, happy and grateful to have been your friend to all of you who have had me at one point or another, regardless of how close we were. Hope you're all dealing with this thing called life because just hoping that no one's struggling too much with figuring their own out is keeping me smiling while writing this right now! Stay strong, Aze clan!