You're Mad Because You're Bad

Hey guys,

Been a rough couple of years here at MCB?. Recently, my wife left me. My wife and I separated last month. I'll be honest...the situation with my wife and I over the last couple of years has led me to fall away from church. At one point I saw where we were drifting to and I prayed that God would help me and save me...I prayed for help and I felt like God left me on the battlefield. I drifted away from church then,. I knew God loved me and I knew I loved him I just didn't understand how/why He'd leave me on the battlefield to be slaughtered by satan. I would tell all my family that I lifted my eyes to the hills but I found no help coming for me. I have since been confronted with how much God really does love me. I understand that he never left me...I walked away from him. My wife, who began going to church with me from the day we started dating until about 6 1/2 years later, no longer wanted to go to church, no longer believed in it. She said the mwoan I married that did all of that was not the real "her'. It was just what he was doing to be around me and she no longer wants to do all of that. I guess that means she no longer wants to be around me. I feel like I've been living a lie for our whole 8 years of marriage...in love with a woman that never existed.

Anyway...enough about that. I was in my kitchen this past Sunday...lately I've been begging God to not give up on me...I still love Him...I'm just in a rut. For some strange reason, I remembered the Love Dare book that my mom had bought me about a year ago. I looked at my bookshelf and tried to spy it...I went closer to actually find it...I did and it almost felt like I was holding something as precious and reverent as a bible. I kind of thumbed through it thinking maybe I should try it. Then I argued that we were separated...no sense in it. Then I remembered the woman I had been living with for the last two years of our marriage and knew I didn't want that one back...but that woman I lived with for 6 years...I'd love to have her back. That was my Prince Charming...my Knight in Shining Armor...my One in a Million...my Blessing from God. But she's gone...if she ever was there.

Again...back to my dilemma...I don't know if I should try this. Is it worth it? Is there anyone that has finished and can say it helped them?

Peace, Love, Empathy

ab