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“I’m not exactly sympathetic, but I do have a big heart. I have to, to be able to pump all the blood required to operate my massive penis.
”
― Jarod Kintz

“If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?”
― Jarod Kintz

“Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won't be the last time that happens.”
― Justin Halpern

“I told my doctor my penis was as thin as a spaghetti noodle. I asked if there was anything I could do to bulk it up, and he said, “Yeah, tell your girl to twirl it on a fork before she puts it in her mouth.”
― Jarod Kintz

“The Beautiful Poem"

I go to bed in Los Angeles thinking
about you.

Pissing a few moments ago
I looked down at my penis
affectionately.

Knowing it has been inside
you twice today makes me
feel beautiful.”
― Richard Brautigan

“I saw her from afar. The game was afoot. I had astiffy.”
― Jarod Kintz

“I belong, and my penis, it be long.
”
― Jarod Kintz

That's all you get for now! You're very welcome!