I used to focus a magnifying glass on ants, after years of child development therapists' nonsense I made them believe I had stopped that behavior (along with a few more involving small animals). However, I had merely discovered this game and now dispose of those urges on these colonists. I enjoy naming them after people who have wronged me, with my favorite being that of a child development therapist named Claudia.

After over 3500 hours of RimWorld, I can confidently say this game is less about colony management and more about watching my carefully laid plans disintegrate into chaos as I scream internally, 'WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!'

Picture this: It’s mid-winter, your colonists are starving, the food stockpile is low, and your hunter just decided to wander into a grizzly bear's lunch zone. And instead of hauling food back, Karen the Crafting Goddess has decided to have a mental break because someone insulted her hat three months ago. So now, she’s walking around the colony naked, smashing furniture, and punching alpacas, while I’m left wondering if uninstalling the 'Twitchy Temperament' mod was a mistake.

And let’s not forget Randy Random’s impeccable timing. Just as you’ve recovered from that toxic fallout, he’s graciously gifted you with a tribal raid… during a solar flare… while your freezer melts, and the colonist with the only decent weapon has food poisoning. Thanks, Randy, really keeping it spicy.

Then there’s that one colonist who refuses to do anything useful. Can’t fight, won’t haul, allergic to manual labor. But the second a social fight breaks out, he’s front and center, breaking up relationships like he’s auditioning for RimWorld's next reality drama spin-off: "Raiders of Love Island." Meanwhile, your pet warg is eating raw potatoes in the middle of the hospital while your best doctor has gone berserk and is now fist-fighting the guy he just saved from malaria.

Mods, you ask? Oh, I have mods. Hundreds of mods. I don't even know what the base game looks like anymore. I’ve added everything from lightsabers to genetically engineered supercows to a mod that lets me create an army of psychotic squirrels. But still, none of them can save me from the existential dread that is my colonists constantly forgetting how to use doors.

In conclusion, RimWorld is the best nightmare you’ll ever willingly subject yourself to. If you’ve ever wanted to simulate the sensation of managing a daycare full of toddlers armed with flamethrowers, please, join me. Just be prepared to explain to your family why you yelled, ‘THE CORPSES NEED TO BE BURNED BEFORE THE COWS GET INFECTED!’ at 3 AM.

Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are sixty two thousand miles of nerves in wafer thin layers that fill my body. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of feet it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for my colonists at this micro-instant. For them. Hate. Hate.