lemme tell you sumthin

Having beaten "The Walking Dead Destinies" on hard mode while sticking to the Shane path, I can honestly say I’ve dreamt of a Walking Dead game with this concept for years. Finally, a chance to play out the “what if” scenarios we all pondered! What if Shane or Merle survived? What if T-Dog got handcuffed to the roof instead? And most importantly, what if Shane had turned Rick into zombie chow and taken over the show? Well, folks, this game answers these burning questions. Unfortunately, it seems the developers might have been zombies themselves because, oh boy, did they miss the mark.

Let’s talk graphics: Imagine you’re back in the PS2 era. Yeah, it’s that kind of trip down memory lane. The characters’ faces are so blocky and polygonal, I half expected to see Lara Croft pop in and ask for directions. This game would’ve been legendary if it were fully open-world. Instead, it’s like a mashup of Shrek 2, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (minus the open-world charm), and The Walking Dead. Just picture trying to sneak past guards who are programmed to walk in the same exact, predictable path—bless the abandoned bottles scattered everywhere for some semblance of stealth.

Speaking of handy items, grenades are apparently the new school supplies. You can find them everywhere, even near an in-game school. Because nothing says “back to school” like a good ol’ grenade.

The cutscenes? Think slow-moving frames in stop motion. The characters’ facial expressions look like something out of the creepy show "Angela Anaconda." I fell through the map once and just kept falling. Is this what hell feels like?

Now, brace yourself for a plot twist: In the final cutscene, Maggie returns from the dead. Yes, even though you can only choose between letting Beth or Maggie live on the farm. Because, why not?

They also decided to cut out Jackie, Jim, Otis, Morales & family, Carol's husband Ed, Patricia, The Governor’s lieutenant, and more. Why? Who knows. With the minimal effort put into character designs, they could’ve doubled the cast and no one would’ve noticed.

Despite the Frankensteinian execution, the game’s concept is still cool. And, although there was some frustration, I genuinely had fun for the six hours it took to complete one run. Just a heads-up: if you want to explore all the different paths, prepare to play the entire campaign over and over again. Fun, right?

In conclusion, "The Walking Dead Destinies" is like a rollercoaster ride: thrilling, occasionally nauseating, and full of unexpected drops. It’s a hilarious disaster, but one you might just enjoy. Please do not buy this game for more than $15-20.