As a member of the Sanitation Department, you and your colleagues are expected to be diligent in the cleansing, sanitation, repair and general improvement of the work environment around yourselves, with a handful of exceptions.(See SubDoc AR-49)

However, reports continue to suggest that there are two types of members in the Sanitation Department. Diligent workers who work efficiently and hard to get everything to go just right. The second group are those who do not, and either do an unefficient job, or make an already ugly situation worse. This reflects badly on both the Sanitation Department, and the hero that went out of his way to take care of what would have easily been a far worse situation than damaged equipment and a giant mess.

This document has been compiled using useful data from Sanitation Employees that fall into the former category, not the latter.

The best way to summarize a sanitation worker's job is the following points:

• -Damage Assessment
  
• -IR-8 Incident Reports & WTF-12 forms
  
• -CRPS-class debris disposal
  
• -Fluid Sanitation
  
• -Unwanted Material Relocation
  
• -Upkeep
  
• -Second Pass
  
• -Complete IR-8
  
• -Clock-Out

However, to successfully perform in the efficient and productive manner that the Company demands, you must become acquainted with the tools of the trade, as well as the best way to utilize them. The following section will acquaint you with the basic tools.

This portion of Article 402 will acquaint you with the most basic tools required of any Sanitation Department employee.



"The new A-Series Space-Mop is here!

With its sleek ergonomic design and Haladium Yellow paint job.

The new A-Series Space-Mop is a work of art.

With just a single swab of its tentacle design head, it's goodbye mess! Proven to remove all tough stains, no matter the cause.

Pre-Order now for only *55.99 Vaders!"-A-Series Space Mop promotional blurb





The Space Mop is designated standard issue for all Sanitation Department employees, assigned to the first equipment slot. Any employee found on the work site without their Space Mop will be put in line to be re-evaluated, and be well within their rights to have their pay docked. You have been warned.

The Space Mop is a simple device, you merely use the primary to push the mop forward, the water and cleaning solvents picking up any liquid stains in front of you. Unfortunately, the water reservoir for the Space Mop is not infinite, and will eventually become too polluted with stains to be useful. At this point, the user shall immediately put the mop into a bucket full of the certified cleaning solution dispensed by the Slosh-O-Matic, to refresh the Space Mop's water reservoir and continue work.

Under no circumstances should the user continue to try and use the Space Mop when the water reservoir is fully saturated with stains, as this will cause the mess to overflow back out onto the work environment, merely making a bigger mess. This is unsanitary, unefficient, and frowned upon. Refrain from poisoning your work ethic, and the reputation of the Department.

The alternate function of the Space Mop will allow for it to be used in a more forceful manner to dislodge unwanted items and move them about. This has proven useful in certain scenarios to dislodge garbage items from high places. This also makes use of the water reservoir, although stains will not be attracted up into it.

We are also aware of malignant janitorial employees who have been oversaturating the S.L.A.P's water reservoir with unwanted fluids, and then using this alternative method to smear the unwanted liquids everywhere. This is prohibited behavior, not to mention immoral and unsanitary. It is worth repeating that there should, at no point, be any perversion of the S.L.A.P Mop, or any other piece of equipment used in the field.




Also carried on your person, at all times, are to be at least four pairs of heavy-duty, pre-sanitized work gloves, which can be found in the second equipment slot. These will allow you to handle any object or solid debris, and do what is required of you to dispose, sort, or otherwise place items.

This is an integral pillar to being a member of the Sanitation Department, due to the fact that many messes you will have to clean, are not entirely fluid in nature. This, coupled with the common occurrence of workers, staff and even heroes leaving litter and clutter lying about, litter that could even have infectious diseases on it, no less, makes the gloves mandatory equipment.

Using the primary function will allow you to manipulate the work environment. Pick up objects, drop them, open doors, use keypads, and more.

Holding down the primary function will activate certain pieces of equipment when you are holding them. Additionally, rotating the mouse while doing this will allow you to manually reposition the item being held. The most obvious use for this is repositioning items so that they will fit better into disposal bins, but that is merely the least creative use.

The secondary function will upright the item you are holding. This can prove useful for fitting bulky items into disposal bins, stacking crates and barrels properly, among other things.




A common item among all the other various equipment on various installations across the universe, All Sanitation Department employees are encouraged to make full use of this simplistic, but still perfectly functional broom. Useful for sweeping up litter, rubbish and spent ammo in more serious scenarios. Upon picking up one of these with the gloves, you can procure it into the fourth equipment slot for the duration of the job. This cannot be used alongside the Dual-Handled Shovel, however.

The primary function will do a perfectly professional sweeping motion to push the items around, presumably into a neat pile. It is not reccommended to sweep up fluids or fluid-soaked items with the broom, as it will quickly become stained and make a mess. The perversion of any Sanitation Department equipment for the sake of making a mess is heavily frowned upon, and grounds for termination.

The alternate function also allows for an overhead blow that can be useful for dislodging objects.

It is worth re-iterating that this broom should not be used around CRPS-class debris or viscera/fluid stains.

Making use of these advanced pieces of equipment will also prove invaluable in your efforts as a proud member of the Sanitation Department.




"The latest in cleanliness assurance technology! Scope out even the most transparent of spills and stains using this state of the art sniffer!

If you order now, you even recieve the V3 model, with an intelligent debris detector, free of charge! It's two MuckGyvers for the price of one!" -MuckGyver V2 Promotional Blurb

The MuckGyver was originally an invention for the common household, helping to improve the cleaning efficiency of housewives. However, when the V3 model seemed to register human beings as debris, it was pulled off the shelves. Through a classified means, however, the Sanitation Department procured nearly the entire remaining stockpile of these fascinating devices for use in sanitation operation, with a few tweaks.



Equipped to the third equipment slot, all employees are also required to have one of these on hand at all times. If you should misplace one, not only will you be in danger of termination, but a lawsuit will quickly be pending to recuperate the lost funds used to procure these in the first place.

The MuckGyver excels at removing the natural human capability of failure from a sanitation job. It has two modes of functionality to cope with both solid and liquid materials that have to be removed.



The primary function will switch the Muckgyver over to liquid detection. It will respond to any fluid detected that is not water. It is worth noting that it will also turn on to buckets that have been exposed to fluids.

When the MuckGyver is activated, it will ping in higher and higher frequencies as the user gets closer and closer to the source. On top of this, spectral reading bars will increase to provide a visual clue.

Due to the careful nature of this device, one should dispose of all used buckets before using this function of the MuckGyver.



The alternate function will activate debris detection for the Muckgyver, pointing out any missed items that need to be removed from the work area. Please note that this will also include burn/scorch marks and bullet holes left in walls, ceilings or floors.

This will also include disposal bins and the items inside them, so care must be taken to incinerate the disposal bins before using the debris detection function of the Muckgyver.






"Black Wheel Industrial Sanitation Inc.

High Energy Plasma Laser Welder

Troublesome bullet holes? Stubborn welding jobs? You need the new R2 High Energy Plasma Laser Welder!

Melts surface damage back into shape in mere moments!

Strong enough to turn anything into sludge within seconds, the R2 is no play thing, but it sure is fun to use!"

For the more gruesome incidents involving a fatal calamity, bullet holes and burn or scorch marks are often present. The only way for a member of the Sanitation Department to clean up in a truly efficient manner is to use a High Energy Plasma Laser Welder, also known as the Plasma Welder.

Members of the Sanitation Department are NOT to steal any of these devices from the work area, or else face immediate termination, regardless of what the unions might do.

Upon finding a worthwhile target, align the tool with the area, and use the primary function. A red-hot energy beam will be produced, sealing bullet holes and scars.

WARNING: The prototype models have been proven to overheat after a second or two of continuous usage without a break. This will cause embers to spark and cause rolling fires, leaving ugly scorch marks everywhere. Refrain from firing the Plasma Welder for more than 5 revolutions.

Under certain conditions, well-to-do members of the Sanitation Department have used the Plasma Welder to dispose of items that are too bulky to fit in the incinerator, melting them down to a reasonable size. While the Department superiors frown upon doing this, you will not be penalized if you use this particular technique with items too bulky to carry around. However, take note that this does leave a scorch mark at the site of application.




After many countless complaints and threats of lawsuits, the Corporation has, in it's ultimate benevolence, made allowances for all Sanitation Department employees to utilize specially programmed PDAs for use on the job.

You may not move around the area while looking at the PDA, which can be accessed via the fifth inventory slot on your person, a special pouch designed exclusively for this device. The PDA has two screens, an Objective screen and a Notes screen.

The Objective Screen will be a recap of what your task is for this area. Use this to remind yourself of what important quest is demanded of you.



The Notes screen will allow you to write down custom notes regarding anything you deem neccessary, whether it be the state of cadavers, constructive criticism, or reporting on the work your fellow Sanitation Department employees are doing. Please feel free to report and record, in full, any poor performances from Sanitation Department employees, no matter how minor. The Department cannot afford supervisors for every job site, making this a vital task, on top of all your other tasks.

This next section will acquaint you specifically with other useful equipment that has been left behind for Sanitation Department employees.




The standard issue "Slosh Bucket" can be acquired from any Slosh-O-Matic Bucket Dispenser. It is a critical part of a good sanitation job. This is the only proper place from which a Sanitation Department employee can refresh the Space Mop's internal water reservoir.

Employees should take care when transporting and using the Slosh Bucket, for if it should spill, all the contaminants and stains that were in the Slosh Bucket's contents will spill back out onto the floor in an ugly mess.

As the bucket is repeatedly used to replace the water reservoir's contents, the solution in the Slosh will degrade, eventually becoming fully contaminated with the stains. At this point, it is useless, and will only poison the water reservoir, defeating the purpose of the Space Mop.

After this happens, the only recourse is to either put it someplace else, or place it into the incinerator.

It is a disgrace to the Department if Slosh Buckets are left at the work area. Please be sure to incinerate any remaining Slosh Buckets before clocking out.




The Disposal Bin can be acquired from a 'What A Load' Bin Dispenser. It's functionality is due to it's simplicity. The bin is the most simple way to transport solid debris of any nature for incineration, with no notable defect to worry about, and capable of handling up to 250 pounds of unwanted materials before rupturing.

It is also against Department Conduct Rules to leave a disposal bin behind at the work area. All Sanitation Department employees who fail to dispose of Disposal Bins properly will be named as such on the report, and punished accordingly.




All members of all divisions within Company-Sanctioned workplaces have been outfitted with these ID cards. Bring these ID cards to the Punchout-O-Matic to fill out the WTF-12 forms, giving detailed reports of their deaths. This is covered further in the Paperwork section of this document.




"Solaris Pheonix GC

The enlightening new Solar Flare!

If it's light you want, look no further than the new Solar® Flare!

With the new ionized adronium phosphorous, its brightness rivals that of the recent Sirius supernova event!

There's no place where the sun won't shine!

Available in singles and bulk." -Solar Flare Promotional Blurb

The Solar Flare is the cheapest, most efficient form of portable lighting we can provide to Sanitation Department employees. It works much like the flares of old, but without hazardous chemicals or fire. It can be turned on for a single use by being held, and then holding down the primary function key.

While it is not ultimately neccessary to remove solar flares before ending your shift, it is heavily reccomended. A clean and tidy workplace is a happy one.

"Curdson's Automation

Slosh-O-Matic Affordable, Automated, Ambivalent

When it comes to affordable bucket supply automation, there can only be one choice!

The Slosh-O-Matic now comes with a truly whopping %20 less unforeseen consequences and accidental assimilation!

Now available at a record *339.99 Vaders!" -Slosh-O-Matic Promotional Blurb

This machine can be found at all job sites for use by any clearance Sanitation Department employees. It dispenses Slosh Buckets to be used to clean up the site.

Employees have often noted that, on certain occasions, that the Slosh-O-Matic will malfunction, and spit out human body parts. After thorough examinations, it has been decided that disgruntled Sanitation Department employees have been tampering with these machines, and stuffing body parts into the Slosh-O-Matic's internal workings.

It should be noted that anyone who is suspected of doing such a thing to these machines will be promptly suspended, investigated and then immediately fired with no notice whatsoever.

Until something is done about permanently ending this habit, place a Slosh Bucket and Disposal Bin near the Slosh-O-Matic to deal with these unexpected mess intrusions.




"Curdson's Automation

What-A-Load Bin Dispensors

The only affordable choice for all you disposal bin supply automation needs!

It's so affordable, you'll need one of our bins just to hold all your savings!

Now with %15 less spontaneous spates!

On sale for *399.99 Vaders!" -What-A-Load! Disposal Bin Dispenser Promotional Blurb


This machine can be found at all job sites for use by any clearance Sanitation Department employees. It dispenses Disposal Bins to be used to clean up the site.


Employees have often noted that, on certain occasions, that the What-A-Load will malfunction, and spit out human body parts. After thorough examinations, it has been decided that disgruntled Sanitation Department employees have been tampering with these machines, and stuffing body parts into the What-A-Load's internal workings.

It should be noted that anyone who is suspected of doing such a thing to these machines will be promptly suspended, investigated and then immediately fired with no notice whatsoever.

Until something is done about permanently ending this habit, place a Slosh Bucket and Disposal Bin near the What-A-Load to deal with these unexpected mess intrusions.




"Skywalker Technologies

The Tri-Fusion Powered Lantern!

Positively pulsating with power, the new Tri-Fusion lantern by Skywalker Technologies features increased brightness and longevity.

Now with %12 less conflegration capability, it's safer than ever!

Order now to qualify for accidental extermination cover!" -Tri-Fusion Powered Lantern Promotional Blurb

The lantern is a permanent portable lighting device from the Vend-O-Matic Equipment Dispenser, however some can be found lying around certain work areas. Upon picking one up, it will automatically turn on, and remain active until you hold down the primary function key for a second or two. It can then be turned back on in the same manner.

If the lantern recieves too firm of a jolt, it will explode, sending sparks and flames everywhere. Not only is this a health hazard, but it will make an ugly scorch mark mess.

While it is not absolutely required to dispose of lanterns at the end of a job, it is suggested to reduce the risks of minor job-site incidents. Leave the place cleaner and tidier than when you arrived.




"Morpheus Industries

'Caches to Ashes 'Rust to Dust

Our new X-Butinateor Incinerators are Hot and Heavy!

The primary unit features dual door access combined with a high temperature atomization grill that has more than enough destructive power to eliminate any potential contaminants.

Order today and you will receive an entire canister of X-Butinateor gas for free!"

The Incinerator is the final tool in a Sanitation Department employee's arsenal. Capable of reducing anything shoved inside it to ashes. Operation of this machine is simplicity itself, merely open the door, put the item inside, and close the door.

Please take care to close the Incinerator's doors before ending your shift. There have been incidents of people tripping and falling into an incinerator and being cooked to death. If this incident occurs again, punishments will be levied.




The Vendor is another piece of useful Sanitation Department equipment. It serves the purpose of distributing other useful pieces of equipment to employees in the field. They have been known to produce the following:

• -Solar Flares
  
• -Medical Supplies
  
• -Lantern
  
• -Pizza Slicer
  
• -Toilet Lid
  
• -Wet Floor Sign

The reason why these machines produce Pizza Slicers and Toilet Lids is due to the machines being needed by multiple Departments for a variety of reasons, mostly in the area of cost-cutting.



Medical Station

Through several sites , you will find medical stations like the one above. While these have no use for yourself, you are expected to refill these medical stations with supply packs before finishing your shift. You can acquire all the supplies you need from a Vend-O-Matic.

The J-HARM is an experimental device being lent to select Sanitation Department employees. It is designed to allow Sanitation Department employees to traverse heights they would normally be unable to, in order to clean spots that would be out of reach.

In order for it to be used, it must be placed down on a flat surface. At this point, the user will get up onto it, and use the interface. It can be used when the support struts deploy.



This experimental device is dangerous, however, and has been known to jam or malfunction, springing the user up a considerable distance. Assuming that the user passed basic physical exams, the drop should not kill the user, but it could prove dangerous under certain conditions.

Do not dispose of the J-HARM at the end of your duties. A Sanitation Department representative will show up later to collect the device.




You will come across sources of information as you perform your job. Some will be critical to performing your duties, such as the access codes for doors, others will give insight as to the nature of the incident. You are allowed to read these for the sake of filling out the IR-8 incident form, but you should not leave these behind under any scenario. Incinerate them with everything else before leaving.




While not absolutely needed to clean up, it is a good habit to get into, placing down Wet Floor signs wherever a notable-sized mess remains. However, the employee is tasked with incinerating these items before ending their shift.



Medical Supplies

A full set of medical supplies to recover from most any injury. Place these into an empty medical station, and incinerate the leftovers. These are reasonable expendatures.




The Punch-O-Matic, otherwise known as the Punchout Machine, is the first and final step of a proper sanitation job. When you are ready to update the IR-8 Report, fill out WTF-12s or have finished the job, this is the machine you use to leave, and be permitted to return to your office, pending inspection and judgement from the Sanitation Department Chief. Do not take this machine lightly. It may make or break your job...




"Get groovin' and thumpin' with the hottest, loudest all-in-one boombox system this side of the universe! Pre-loaded with the newest hit singles, such as "Goo" and "The Ballad of Rick Rodney; Space Pirate"!

Order now, and you'll be entered into a contest for a rare special edition Big Banger, with even more booming power! Vibrate the entire planet to it's core with the hottest tunes! Order now before they sell out!" -Promo for the Big Banger

After many requests from Sanitation Department employees, management agreed tentatively to procure several Big Banger radios, to be quietly put alongside the other pieces of equipment allotted to Sanitation Department employees.

Operating off of the belief that music can motivate our employees to work more efficiently and improve their outlook on the world around them, all employees are allowed access to these. However, this is not an excuse for employees to slack off. All employees are expected to work to their fullest.

Refrain from turning the radio volume up to maximum. It has been shown to bounce and flip to and fro so intensely that it becomes nearly impossible to turn off. If this happens, an employee may get the idea to simply incinerate the radio. This is discouraged, as more radios will not be ordered if the current supply is exhausted.

The sonic tremors produced by the Big Banger have also been known to cause problems with certain pieces of equipment, such as Lanterns, Solar Flares, Slosh Bucket and Disposal Bins. For the sake of efficiency and mid-job incident reduction, please keep the radio's volume at a minimum.




"Omni-Corp Collaborative Solutions

Spartan: Phoenix The ONLY Solution!

With its laser-guided twin barrels, the Spartan has always been a force to be reckoned with. Combined with the Phoenix Edition's new AI, you have the ultimate security device! Suitable for 'passifying' any threat, from terrormunists to your neighbor, or any would be villains. Make the smart choice, choose danger!" -Spartan 'Phoenix' Promotional Blurb

There are rare occurences where you may or may not be required to replace these sentry guns. Due to a variety of incidents resulting in the deaths of many unfortunate, unaware janitors, we feel it is neccessary to inform you about these devices.

In areas where these guns are common, there are blue security fields. If you carry any unorganic material into these fields, the gun will activate, and gun down anyone the A.I determines to be an intruder. This also includes the J-H.A.R.M, the Plasma Welder, buckets and empty disposal bins.

In order to reduce fatalities, it is reccommended that the replacing of these guns be done just before clocking out and ending your shift.

In addition to reattatching these sentry guns to the ceiling, they will also need to be reloaded with ammo boxes such as the one below.



To achieve this in the least troublesome way, position the narrow end of the ammo box into the slot at the back end of the sentry gun.

"Morpheus Industries

The Ultimate Workman's shovel!

The new Space-Shovel is everything a planetary workforce needs.

Along with our classic handle, we've added extra strength to the shovel head.

Perfect for whatever you're shoveling, the X5 Space Shovel is the right fit for you!

Now available for the low low price of *39.99 Vaders!" -Space Shovel Promotional Blurb

This shovel has been left near certain worksites that will be needed to move debris that cannot be carried around with bare hands alone, such as sand. Much of the same rules apply to this tool as to the Broom. It can fit in the fourth equipment slot, but it may not, any time, share this space with the Broom.

The primary function will use the shovel to scoop up something too small to pick up efficiently, or to drop the contents if used in mid-air.

The alternate function also serves as a overhead blow function, but this is not reccommended for use under any circumstance. At best, it is a waste of time and effort, and at worst, a dangerous move that will cause the mess to become harder to control. Do not use this under any reasoning whatsoever.






Under extremely specific environments, you may discover explosive devices like the mining explosive seen here. All janitors are to exercise extreme caution around these finnicky devices. Holding down the primary function key for too long while holding one in your hands, striking it with the Plasma Welder, throwing it into an Incinerator, holding a Solar Flare near it, or even having one near the contact point of the Plasma Welder's beam will cause it to activate, and explode after exactly four seconds, with a sizable lethal damage radius.

Not only would this cause grievous harm and death to fellow janitors, it would throw other objects around and cause a large gruesome mess that makes the job harder for other janitors. Please refrain from destroying these, and instead seek to find a safe place to store these critical pieces of equipment.

This section will list the types of messes a Sanitation Department employee of today must face and deal with, as well as the most efficient and humane ways to deal with them.

Viscera



This includes human blood, alien blood, scorch marks, burn marks, hazardous chemicals, and any fluid that would be impossible to pick up. The only proper recourse with this is to use the S.L.A.P Mop.

CRPS-Class



This includes body parts of any sort, whether human, alien or robot. Everything ranging from heads to sentry bot ammo boxes. All should be properly disposed off in bins, in whatever order is the most efficient.

Rubbish

The following items are rubbish, and should be disposed of post-haste, per basic decency laws:

• El Fatso Crisps: A bag of plain potato crisps, baked instead of deep-fried in the name of the health and safety of employees. However, they are messy and should be incinerated immediately.
  
  
  
• Scrap Papers: It's common for employees to use pieces of scrap paper to record temporary notes, reminders, statistic filings and to-dos in the event of an emergency. However, leftover scrap papers bring down the cleanliness standards required by management, and therefore, must be disposed of.
  
  
  
• Soda Cans: Whether it's the classic Jangopop or a can of Fat Man, they are leftover aluminum cans that, at one time, held a delicious drink inside. Aluminum recycling was officially outlawed fifty years ago, so feel no shame about incinerating these pieces of rubbish, either.
  
  
  
• Chinese Food Boxes: It's quite common to see those generic, non-descript chinese food takeout boxes. There are at least three chinese food delivery services that operate 24/7/365, all three of which have delivered to our employees regularly. However, the age-old boxes that the food came in are subject to immediate expulsion via incineration.
  
  
  
• Disposable Water Cups: These single-use water cups have already seen far more use than they should have, and bring down the standards of quality just by existing. Incinerate without mercy.
  
  
  
• Water Bottle: A bottle of water goes a long way in humid, temperate climates. However, you are not allowed to intake fluids during the course of your duties, and the bottle likely ceased to be cold long before you arrived, so feel free to incinerate.
  
  
  
• Broken Electronic Clipboards: The electronic clipboard is a must-have for any supervisor. However, if the firmware in the screen ceases to function, they cannot be repaired, and should be incinerated, post-haste.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Notes: Data Logs and letters from the employees are found from time to time. You are allowed to partake of the information within, purely for the purpose of identifying the cause and particulars of the incident, and then are to incinerate them immediately.
  
  If notes are found from a 'Bob', please present them to management, however.

Experiments



Many sites deal with experimental objects. Many of these are best disposed of, so that the site can begin it's work over again fresh once the Sanitation Department has concluded it's work there.

Body Bags



When they are available, some bodies will be put into proper body bags. However, this does not mean that you are permitted to ignore them, merely because they are not splayed all over the floor. Employees are to put them into the incinerator as part of the job.

Bullet Casings/Shotgun Shells


There is the chance that you will come across bullet casings left behind from the more violent messes. These should also be disposed of with a combination of the broom and bin.

Crates/Boxes/Barrels

• Bio-Hazard Disposal Crates: These crates, hermetically sealed and washed overly, are the perfect storage medium for materials too dangerous for human hands to touch. Treat them gently, being careful to not let the contents spill out.
  
  
  
• Cryogenic Storage Canister: These canisters are used to store highly potent or sensitive materials of a sub-zero-temperate nature. They will quite often have their own stacking zone, away from other less dangerous crates.
  
  
  
  
• Air-Tight Barrel: The infamous blue barrel, a staple of bouyancy testing. So long as the air is kept within these barrels, they are successfully serving their purpose. Much like how a Sanitation Department employee is only serving their purpose when they are efficiently cleaning a site.
  
  
  
  
• Fuel Barrel: The Fuel Barrel is always serving the purpose of carrying oil, gas or other flammable materials for site operations. Please take the utmost care when moving or stacking a Fuel Barrel.
  
  While the barrel is built ruggedly, and is difficult to ignite, it is not impossible for an unwary employee to cause a very unfortunate accident with one of these.
  
  
  
• Industrial Equipment Crate: These crates are an industry standard in the storage of items. Their essential cast-iron frame and black and red paint job make them distinct. As they are of a far better pedigree than Class D Storage Cubes, they must be given utmost attention and care.
  
  
  
• Medical Storage Crate: These crates are used exclusively in medical facility operations. Be certain to not destroy the contents, as they may, in the future, save lives or advance science.
  
  
  
  
• Sterilized Crate: The contents of these crates are sterilized and still usable for future projects at any facility they are found out. Please safeguard them with your very life. The destruction of these crates is punishable by expulsion.

• Science Crate: These decagonal crates are literally untippable in any sense of the word, and contain all sorts of useful scientific equipment. The crate's design itself is even a scientific experiment, to see what can be accomplished in crate stacking, even with strange designs.
  
  
  
• Tool Crate: These crates are used to hold all variety of industrial tools and equipment that are too precious to use the Industrial Crate for. Give them the same respect due to other crates.
  
  
  
• Class D Storage Crate: In the early days of the Department, there was mess, and clutter. That neccessitated the creation of a storage crate acceptable for all mediums of storage. In the present days, more appropriate storage containers exist for all specific items, but many grandfathered Class D Storage Crates still remain on worksites. Treat these relics of the past with care, regardless as to what the resources within might be.

The crates and barrels listed above do not require or need incineration under any circumstances, however, it is vital that none of these are left in a tipped over position, where an employee may have a fall and hurt themselves. Trivial accidents like this reflect badly on the Department, and the employees therein, yourself included. Have a care, employee, and make sure they are all uprighted. The Science Crates are an exception, as their unique design makes them quite untippable.

Additionally, we would request that employees partake in the stacking of crates and barrels in their designated position, to prove their faithfulness to the job at hand. We may be willing to overlook certain shortcomings or minor failures on the job through this additional task. Look on the ground for appropriate places to begin stacking them.


Tools/Guns: Any tools, leftover equipment or firearms found on site are to be disposed of. Any weapons or questionable items left behind will raise questions that we might prefer to not have to answer....

This section of Article 402 is a refresher on the contents of IR-8 and WTF-12 forms.

IR-8

The IR-8 Incident Form is a critical piece of paperwork for the Department, allowing the management to assess the severity of the incident, and prepare all other neccessary forms needed for other Departments to do what is needed to prepare the work site for re-use when the job is done.

The IR-8 Incident Report form will ask you to describe the situation you experienced, as well as the manner of incident that has occured. Be ready to deliver the following information:

• Incident Severity: Check off the box that best describes how difficult this job was to accomplish. Honesty is the best answer in all situations.
  
  
• Work Method: Describe, in a few short sentences, the methods used to clean up the job site.
  
  
• Cleaning Efficiency: Tick the box that best describes how effective and efficient you were while on the job. Please refrain from providing false information here. Your job may depend on it.
  
  
• Incident Particulars: Check off all boxes that identify exactly what sort of incident took place at the job site. You may check more than one.
  
  
• Personal Account: Please put down anything noteworthy you encountered while on the job. We believe that reporting is paramount to improving safety and security.
  
  
• Confirmed Entities: Take note of, and record the number of alien entities found on-site, presumably deceased, as well as spent shell casings, spent bullet holes and the number of items that were incinerated on-site. The more accurate, the better.
  
  
• Peer Report: In a few sentences, write about the situation regarding your fellow employees. We know that the relationship Sanitation Department employees have with each other is rather strained, therefore any insight that can be provided would be most beneficial.
  
  
• Union Report: If you are a part of the Sanitation Department's vast network of unions, you may prove so by selecting the second option when punching out. If so, then this will also need filling out. All you need to do is write down your Union ID number, so we can add you to the list. As well as handle negotiations properly.
  
  
• Deceased Employees: This is where the user must fill out the WTF-12 forms, one for each deceased employee found on-site. To fill out a WTF-12 form, pick up an ID card and put it into the Punch-O-Matic, then access the forms.
  

WTF-12

The WTF-12, or Worker Termination Form, is another important part of the reports. This allows for payment to the deceased workers to be halted, proper post-mortem action to be taken, and for next of kin to be notified.

Filling out a WTF-12 form will involve the following:

• Death Particulars: Check off the boxes that best describe the manner of death of this employee.
  
• State of Cadaver: Briefly write about what state the employee's corpse was in when you found it.
  
• Dignity Shown: Check the box that best describes how much care you took with disposing of the body.
  
• Method of Disposal: Check the box that best describes how you disposed of the body to sanitize the work site.
  
• Incident Report: Please report anything interesting about the dead body, as well as any items that were lying around the dead employee's person, and your thoughts about the deceased's friends and family, if applicable.

ATTENTION: Any omission of paperwork specifics, or perversion of the information therein is a direct violation, and punishable under sections 7-12b of the Sanitation Report Procedures Act of 2164.

After having clocked out from a job, or having visited the office directly, you will be able to visit your work office. This is where you will gear up for a job ahead of time. Please, make some attempt to become comfortable with your home office. It is likely that you will be using it for an extremely long time.

A janitor's office holds many shelves and lockers to store whatever he or she finds worthwhile. While the corporation would prefer a professional usage, these such things are private and will not be enforced unless the person involved is fired.

The second room has a code-locked door attatched to it. This leads to both a Slosh-O-Matic and Bin Disposal machine.

The room beyond this door also contains a chute to an incinerator, in the offchance that some cleaning up of the office is required. The door in here leads to a bathroom. While it is available for use, we would like to discourage use of this bathroom, as using it tends to feed a slothful lazy type of work, deprived of the exercise that would keep an employee in acceptable condition for future work.



The room on the other side of the office contains a door to a room that acts as both storage and a fallout shelter.



Anybody who comes across any morally questionable items being stored in someone else's office is encouraged to report it immediately. It is an overall goal to only have the most moral and dignified employees working in the Sanitation Department.

These rooms are to be left unlocked, with the exception of the bathroom. If it is absolutely required to get the doors unlocked, and they are locked, the keypads will have to be hacked open. If you are fired, the rooms will be cleared out, and the codes reset.

The Sanitorial Process is the Department's name for the perfect method by which to sanitize any work site, and prepare it for rehabitation by other work departments. The Sanitorial Process is made up of 8 important stages:

• Worksite Assessment
  
• Body Disposal
  
• Viscera Cleanup
  
• Janitorial Cleanup
  
• Special Cleanup
  
• MuckGyver Exam
  
• Paperwork
  
• Clock-Out

Optionally, some of the more impressive members of the Sanitation Department have developed a modified method of performing their duties, herein referred to as the Sanitary Stockpile Method. This entails an extra 2 stages.

• Worksite Assessment
  
• Staging Zone Prep
  
• Body Storage
  
• Viscera Storage
  
• Janitorial Cleanup
  
• Special Cleanup
  
• Storage Clean-out
  
• MuckGyver Exam
  
• Paperwork Filings
  
• Clock-Out

The following sections will provide in-depth explanations of each phase of both methods.

Upon reaching the job site, a thorough assessment of the situation must be performed. Thoroughly inspect every nook and cranny of the area. This includes the tops of ventilation shafts and ledges, corners and all.

Take careful note of the number of bullet holes, shell casings and alien/human corpses lying around where applicable. Writing down these notes in the PDA may prove most beneficial

Also make notes of the locations of all the neccessary equipment. Any areas that have been sealed off with numerical keypad locks must be opened using whatever means neccessary, whether it be procuring a note with the number on it, or doing the shameful task of trying to force-fully guess the number.

In an emergency, it is possible to 'hack' the keypad and figure out the correct combination. This is an exploit that we are all hoping to have resolved some day, but until then the option remains available, to our disappointment.

If it is neccessary to do this, note that the screen will flash for a mere moment when the correct number is typed in during one part of the sequence.

Secure the locations of the following machines:

• Slosh-O-Matic
  
• What-A-Load
  
• Vend-O-Matic(Where applicable)
  
• Incinerator

Also attempt to locate any other Sanitation Department-approved equipment, storing it all someplace easy to reach as needed. Finally, to finish this phase, place one Slosh Bucket and one Disposal Bin at both the Slosh-O-Matic and What-A-Load to deal with body parts that may dislodge themselves from the respective machines.

At this time, the first thing to tend to will be the corpses of deceased employees. If the body is 60% intact or more, he or she must be disposed of via incineration. Some Sanitation Department employees have been caught melting down bodies using the Plasmatic Arc Welder. This practice is immoral and shunned. The families of the deceased would prefer to be consoled knowing that their loved ones were not desecrated.

If the corpse is in too many pieces for this method to be quick and efficient, however, they are to be disposed of using disposal bins. For the most humane method possible in this scenario, place loose entrails and meat chunks at the bottom of the bin, followed by more recognizable parts, and never put the head at the top of a bin's pile.

After promptly incinerating the bin's contents(or incinerating the entire body and leftover entrails), take the deceased employee's P.I.D Card, and feed it into the Punch-O-Matic. At this time, write careful notes about the body, considering all the important items needed for a WTF-12 form. This includes the name, at least three guesses as to how this person died, what the corpse was like when found, as well as any worthwhile notes about the surroundings. Repeat this for all located ID cards until they have all been accounted for.

At this time, any remaining unaccounted human body parts are to be placed in bins and incinerated, along with alien body parts. Any part that would be too large to fit in a bin should be placed into the incerator by hand, as well as hazmat suit air tanks and backpacks.

Having completed this, the final step will be to remove any alien specimen bodies/parts or other undesirable non-human body parts in a similar manner.

Having removed all body parts and corpses, the next phase begins, the Viscera Cleanup. Use as many Slosh Buckets as is needed to remove all unwanted visceral or chemical fluids from the work site.

Be sure to work methodically, slowly purifying the area as you pass over it. In the offchance that the employee at work comes across entrails that were missed during the Body Disposal phase, these can be placed in a spent Slosh Bucket, or carried to the Incinerator by hand. If this happens to you, please do not despair, rather consider this a learning experience. Very few janitors achieve perfection at the beginning. It is a long climb to the top.

Take care not to slack off, for your own footprints will spread the blood around a work area. Even the slightest trace of blood can leave behind an awful smell and sight for your employer, who will not show mercy.

It is entirely possible that you may need the assistance of crates or a J-HARM to reach certain stains. Use whatever is most efficient for the task at hand. Incinerate each Slosh Bucket once it has reached full saturation under this work ethic.

Having removed every final trace of muck, blood and ooze from the work area, the employee at work will now use more bins to clean up all of the mundane trash, litter, junk and irreparable items, and incinerate them, one bit at a time. Employees are asked to be pain-stakingly thorough with this stage. Environmental friendlyness should always be a high priority for the Sanitation Department.

Please refrain from using the Plasmatic Arc Welder to incinerate pieces of trash on-site. Not only does this run even more of a risk of damaging burn marks, but it leaves traces of soot and ash that will need cleaning. This harms the high level of efficiency that is required of the Sanitation Department.

At this time, however, employees assigned to the job site are encouraged to use the Dual-Handled Shovel or the Broom, to sweep up garbage into easily manageable piles, then placed into bins for disposal.

Finally, gather up all notes and datapads found on-site and incinerate them. Confidentiality is paramount, and the Department intends to enforce all manners of secrecy whenever possible or convenient.

During this phase, any special cleanup or specific tasks required of the Sanitation Department are to be performed. This usually will involve restarting a gravity generator, or restocking medical stations, but there are other tasks that may be needed. For more information on these tasks, please resort to the WSA letters that accompany this documentation.

Attention must be paid to certain pieces of equipment. Make sure that the Incinerator doors have not been left open, nor the doors on medical stations. Take all crates and barrels lying around, and stack or incinerate them as needed. Do not leave any tipped barrels, crates or boxes behind.

Lastly, clean up any wall-scars or bullet holes that may be on the premises using the Plasmatic Arc Welder, taking care not to be too quick with it and spark a messy fire that will result in more work for the Department staff.

Having cleaned the work-site to the best of your knowledge, and having cleared out all Slosh Buckets and Disposal Bins, take out your MuckGyver and sweep the site, looking for any remaining stains or unacceptable materials that you may have missed, and tend to them accordingly.

At this point, what is neccessary should be obvious. However, the user should not hurry or rush in performing the sweep, lest something rather jarring be missed.

At this point, you shall return to the Punch-O-Matic and fill out the IR-8 and WTF-12 forms in their entireity.

After doing this, be certain to take one last vigorous inspection tour of the work-site, dealing with anything that may have been left behind. This section will now explain, in depth, what is required to fully fill out the IR-8 Incident Report.

• Incident Severity: Check off whichever box best describes how pleasant, interesting or excruciating the assignment was. Valid options are as following:
  
  
  • Best Day Ever: The job was far too easy to be any challenge to you. Either your work ethic is impeccable, or you should apply for a FTLR lie detector test.
    
    
  • Piece of Cake: The job was easy for you. You have a worthwhile place in the Sanitation Department.
    
    
  • Easy: The job was managable with quite some ease for you. We hope this means that you will be ready for another assignment soon.
    
    
  • Moderate: The job was a tricky job, but not one that someone of your skills was not prepared for.
    
    
  • Challenging: The job proved daunting in some manner, but you overcame.
    
    
  • Severe: The job tested you to your core, but you came out on top.
    
    
  • Painful: You seem to have been given a great deal of difficulty with your job today. Please hang in there, your work means a lot to the community.
    
    
  • Horrifying: You were, in some way, affected mentally by the severity of the job laid out in front of you. We understand that not everybody is ready for every job. Mental counseling is available for you if needed.
    
    
  • I'm Afraid to Sleep: If it effected you that badly, the doctor will be happy to prescribe some sleeping pills.
    
    
  • I Browned Out: The job proved to be far too much for you, and only through some unknown force were you able to clock out at all. We apologize for the cruel situation you were put in. IQUT-12 Resignation Forms are available at the front office.
    
  
  
• Work Method: Please describe, in approximately one small paragraph, how you went about your method. We will not penalize you for the way you work, but we only ask that it be a genuinely effective method, in some fashion.
  
  
• Efficiency: Tick the box that best describes how efficient you, personally, believe you were in cleaning the work site. As much as we would like to have a supervisor on hand for every job, our resources are stretched thing enough that we cannot, and instead rely on self-judging in this department. Please be honest and truthful when you select one of the following:
  
  
  • I am a Cleaning God!: You were so unquestionably efficient that even the bin and bucket machines praise you with endless amounts of infinite buckets. We've heard of it happening once or twice. Are you such an individual, dear employee?
    
    
  • Expertly: You cleaned with flair and grace, and remained a testament to what can be done with budgeted tools. We appreciate your honesty, and hope for more great work from you!
    
    
  • Evenly: You paid careful attention to all aspects of the job, not having hardship in any one particular area.
    
    
  • Rashly: You believe you may have ♥♥♥♥♥♥ sloppy in some areas, due to rush. Please pay more attention. Manage your time properly. Getting the job done right is more important than doing it quickly!
    
    
  • Wastefully: You misused company resources more than once to complete your goals. The first step is to realize you are making a mistake, and then never do it again.
    
    
  • Maliciously: You couldn't resist the urge to make as many messes as you cleaned up. We do not desire this sort of behavior from our employees. Except a docking of your pay if things do not improve.
    
    
  • Catastrophically Incompetent: You have chosen to be disgraceful in your cleaning duties. Expect a visit from Human Resources later tonight. We will not be merciful.
    
  
  
• Incident Particulars: We wish to know the specifics of the incident you cleaned up. Tick all boxes that match the incident at hand. Valid options can be found below.
  
  
  • Aliens: The facility was invaded, or had a break-out of extra-terrestrial fauna or other life forms that resulted in the loss of life, equipment or funds. This is determined by the discovery of deceased alien life forms on-site.
    
    
  • Guns: There was a presence of fire arms, suggesting that a fight ensued. This is determined either by the presence of leftover guns themselves, or merely by the presence of leftover shell casings or shotgun shells.
    
    
  • Fire: Equipment, resources or personnel were overtaken by a fire. Look for scorch marks or burned objects to identify this as such.
    
    
  • AI: This means that the facility's local mainframe and artificial intelligence had a critical error and went haywire. Some degree of investigation may be required to determine if this is a correct option.
    
    
  • Viruses: One or more victims perished from the existence of strange diseases uncovered on-site.
    
    
  • Mutations: If a victim's body contains obvious signs of serious physical warping or mutation, then this should be included.
    
    
  • Corruption: We feel it is always worth noting if the naturally pure ways of running things at a facility are being underwritten by corporate greed. Please note as such if required.
    
    
  • Military: The presence of military equipment was detected. Quite often meant to accompany the presence of Guns.
    
    
  • Chemicals: Hazardous or dangerous chemicals were found on-site.
    
    
  • Enigmatic Forces: Officially, we do not believe in supernatural forces. However, if you are certain enough that some form of otherworldly presence has manifested itself on-site, we will investigate upon reading your report.
    
    
  • Rituals: If, during the course of your duty, you find strange displays, such as deliberate placement of limbs in a certain way, or patterns on the floor, ritualistic behavior may be occurring.
    
    
  • Deadly Fauna: An animal or non-plant lifeform has resulted in the death of employees.
    
    
  • Deadly Flora: Aggressive plant life resulted in the death of employees.
    
    
  • Env. Hazards: Death was caused by an indirect environmental risk to life and limb.
    
    
  • Homicide: One or more employees were slain by their fellow co-workers, in a gruesome display of the worst possible part of human nature. Be sure to fill out the corresponding WTF-12 forms as well.
    
    
  • Suicide: Please take note of whether it's possible that suicide happened. Though unlikely, it is always a possibility.
    
    
  • Genocide: A mass loss of life of one species, or complete annihilation followed.
    
    
  • Explosives: Proof of industrial explosives were found. Either the presence of the devices themselves, or scorch marks or other signs of explosions having occurred.
    
    
  • Other: In the extreme unlikelihood that none of the above options properly fit all of the incident particulars, this option is available.
  
  
  
• Personal Account: Please describe, in a few sentences, your overall experience while on the job. Describe any particularly notable incidents that do not have to do with the bin and bucket dispensers spewing limbs. We are already looking into it, and restating that every single report does not help us. Additionally, if you have any thoughts regarding the job, your position in the company, or the company as a whole, you may include that, as well. We strive to achieve the best we can, and constructive criticism helps us help you.

• Confirmed Articles: Please include reasonably accurate tallies of the following items, as well:
  
  • Alien Entities: Please list, by number, how many alien entities can be safely presumed deceased on-site.
    
    
  • Spent Shell Casings: The number of remaining bullet casings from any non-shotgun guns found on-site.
    
    
  • Bullet Holes: The number of bullet holes found in walls, floors and the ceiling upon reaching the work site.
    
    
  • Incinerated Items: The number of items that your team incinerated while on the job.
    
  
  
• Peer Report: If you worked with one or more fellow employees to finish the job, please fill out the Peer Report, describing how you feel about your employees, or the work you did or did not do together. Do not use this section to harass or threaten employees.
  
  
• Union Report: There are two boxes in this section. If you are a part of the Janitorial Union, we expect you to be honest and truthful, and put in your Union ID, so we know who to contact for future correspondence. Be certain to put in any other relevant information regarding this fact in the second box. It is important that you understand that we expect utter perfection from our unionized employees. Continuing to upkeep a unionized work force is costly, and we have no patience for unionized employees that shirk their duties, trying to hide behind the protective arms of Union Chiefs.
  
  
• Deceased Employees: Any PID Cards you have inserted into the Punch-O-Matic will allow you to fill out the WTF-12 forms for the respective employees here.

This concludes the IR-8 Incident Form. The next section here will explain a WTF-12 form's individual areas in detail.

This section will provide proper instruction for the filling out of a WTF-12 Worker Termination Form.

• Name of Deceased: This section, in truth, cannot be edited, but rather is generated from the data on the PID card itself.
  
  
• Death Particulars: Please tick all boxes that are an accurate description of how the employee in question perished:
  
  
  • Shot: The employee was killed via ballistic or projectile weaponry. This is usually made clear by the presence of shell casings or bullet holes near the body.
    
    
  • Bitten: The circumstances of the incident make it clear that the employee perished from being bitten or chewed by an alien lifeform, giant gaping mouth, or bioengineered plant.
    
    
  • Eaten: The body itself is gone, having been 85% or more devoured by an alien entity.
    
    
  • Burned: The employee's body was obviously burned up by fire when you arrived.
    
    
  • Blown Up: The employee's body was devestated by explosives of some sort. Be aware of the presence of scorch marks near the corpse, as well as a considerable physical distance between the employee's body parts.
    
    
  • Dragged: Keep your eyes open for proof of an employee's body having been dragged some distance. A bloody stain leading in a direction to the corpse may be indicative of dragging. Drag marks leading down the stairs, ending smoothly at the corpse's location does not count.
    
    
  • Murdered: The employee was killed by another human, presumably another fellow employee. Keep in mind, the circumstances regarding the incident before making a judgement call as to whether it was indeed murder or simply being Slain.
    
    
  • Eviscerated: The employee's internal organs were ripped out. The presence of chunks of human organs, or intestines are common signs of an eviscerated body.
    
    
  • Crushed: The employee was killed by a powerful crushing force, indicating that the victim was affected by a heavy object, or by being forced up against said heavy object until they expired.
    
    
  • Thrown: The employee was physically thrown or shoved by another entity, to their deaths. The blood trails will be the answer to the question of whether they were thrown or not.
    
    
  • Decapitated: The employee's head was fully severed. This is taken into account even if it merely would appear that their head was put on properly afterwards, likely by some mentally disturbed employee.
    
    
  • Liquefied: The employee's body was reduced to nothing but mere scraps. A blood pool and a few leftover organs.
    
    
  • Frozen: Death occured from the employee being frozen solid, and then shattered. An unlikely occurence.
    
    
  • Dismembered: The employee's body has severed body parts along the arms or legs. A body that has been split in half near the pelvis does not count as being dismembered. The head does not account for dismemberment, either.
    
    
  • Halved: The employee's body was split in half, the upper half seperated from the lower half.
    
    
  • Stricken: Obvious, irrefutable proof that the employee in question was not of sound body or sound mind. A sickly appearance is indicative of this, even in death.
    
    
  • Sliced: The employee's body was sliced with a bladed object. Blood smears caused by being stabbed with a sharp object usually leave a particular sort of blood stain. Dismemberment or Decapitation usually are also involved.
    
    
  • Impaled: The employee's body was physically attatched to a surface by one or more objects when you arrived.
    
    
  • Contorted: The employee's body was twisted and malformed into a shape impossible to achieve under normal circumstances upon your arrival.
    
    
  • Stabbed: There are obvious signs of stab wounds on the body, including, but not limited to a knife being nearby, or even still in the body.
    
    
  • Slain: The employee was killed by a non-human entity. The most common case, accounting for 85% of employee deaths.
    
    
  • Ritualized: The employee's body was re-arranged in a strange manner that defies normal pathological behavior, suggesting that a ritual took place of some sort.
    
    
  • Impact: The employee died upon hitting a solid surface too hard. Quite often, they are also thrown in addition to this.
    
    
  • Other: The employee died in a manner that does not fit any of the above scenarios. Somehow.
    
  Keep in mind that quite often, more than one cause of death will need to be listed.
  
  
• State of Cadaver: Please describe briefly the state of the cadaver as you found it. Be certain that it is the original state of the cadaver you are describing.
  
  
• Dignity Shown: Please tick the box that best describes how much care attention you paid to disposing of the body. Be honest and truthful, as what is recorded here are records both for your continued employment, and for us to give to the deceased's next of kin. Perversion or omission of data in a WTF-12 form is punishable under sections 7-12b of the Sanitation Report Procedures Act of 2164.
  
  
  • Utmost Dignity: You paid the maximum amount of dignity and care to the deceased's remains. We appreciate your sacrifice of time and effort, as it reduces the chance of impending lawsuits, the costs of which would have to come out of people's paychecks.
    
    
  • Considerate: You paid attention to the deceased's remains, giving it special attention. Strive for perfection.
    
    
  • Moderate: You did not pay any special attention to the remains, but you also did not go out of your way to desecrate or disturb the corpse unnecessarily. The bare minimum the company will not frown upon.
    
    
  • Careless: Either due to distractions, being incapable of doing so, or negligence, you became at least 33% sloppy with the disposal of the employee's remains. Do not bring shame upon the department with your behaviors.
    
    
  • Malicious: Your methods of disposing of the body went far beyond mere inattentiveness, and began to over-reach into deliberate malevolence. A correspondence from the victim's family may be forthcoming.
    
    
  • Obscene: Your methods were crass, offensive and painful to witness. We suggest that you develop better methodology as soon as convenient.
    
    
  • I Like Corpses: We are concerned about your well-being if we find you selecting this option. We will schedule psycho-therapy classes for you as soon as we are able.
    

• Method of Removal: Tick the boxes that properly describe how you disposed of the employee's remains.
  
  
  • Incinerated: You disposed of the body via use of an Incinerator, per company policy. We appreciate your adherence to our carefully laid out rule sets.
    
    
  • Melted: You disposed of the body by melting it down into managable pieces via the plasma welder or some other source of constant, intense heat.
    
    
  • Airlock: You cruelly and callously removed the employee's body from the premises by putting it out an air-lock, into space. This activity is frowned upon by the company.
    
    
  • Chemicals: You used a chemical solvent of some design to melt down the employee's body. An interesting, if not unenviable solution.
    
    
  • Explosives: You attempted to atomize the body entirely using explosive compounds. We do not believe that the employee's loved ones appreciate their bodies being blasted apart.
    
    
  • Alien Lifeforms: You, as an uncaring, unfeeling employee, chose to feed the employee's body to an alien lifeform, to rid yourself of an extra trip to a proper disposal method, such as the Incinerator.
    
    
  • Machinery: You used an unlicensed piece of machinery to dispose of the employee's body.
    
    
  • Anomalies: You used a supernatural device or phenomena to dispose of the employee's remains. This is also frowned upon.
    
    
  • None: In a strange twist of fate, you chose to not dispose of the body at all, and leave it to be found. This is a very poor choice, employee. Your job is to clean up messes, not leave them behind.
    
  
  
• Incident Report: Describe, in a few short sentences, any feelings or thoughts you may be having upon reflecting upon the role, and final ending of the employee's life, or any other relevant items.

At this time, you have permission to end your shift and clock out using the Punch-O-Matic. You will be permitted to return to your office, and await evaluation by the Sanitation Department chief and his fellow overwatchers and oversight committees.

Several days later, you will return to your office, and know the fate of your job performance, whether it be a grand success, or a horrific embarassment to the Department. Any items that you have placed inside your Janitor Trunk will be perserved for whatever you wish.

This concludes a standard Sanitation Department operation. When you are ready for re-assignment, or to file appeals, simply leave the office the way you came in.

The next several areas cover how to manage duties using the Sanitary Stockpile method.


Upon reaching the job site, a thorough assessment of the situation must be performed. Thoroughly inspect every nook and cranny of the area. This includes the tops of ventilation shafts and ledges, corners and all.

Take careful note of the number of bullet holes, shell casings and alien/human corpses lying around where applicable. Also, scope out the appropriate location to serve as the stockpile for used up Slosh Buckets and Disposal Bins.

Also make notes of the locations of all the neccessary equipment. Any areas that have been sealed off with numerical keypad locks must be opened using whatever means neccessary, whether it be procuring a note with the number on it, or doing the shameful task of trying to force-fully guess the number.

In an emergency, it is possible to 'hack' the keypad and figure out the correct combination. This is an exploit that we are all hoping to have resolved some day, but until then the option remains available, to our disappointment.

If it is neccessary to do this, note that the screen will flash for a mere moment when the correct number is typed in during one part of the sequence.

Secure the locations of the following machines:

• Slosh-O-Matic
  
• What-A-Load
  
• Vend-O-Matic(Where applicable)
  
• Incinerator

Also attempt to locate any other Sanitation Department-approved equipment, storing it all someplace easy to reach as needed. Finally, to finish this phase, place one Slosh Bucket and one Disposal Bin at both the Slosh-O-Matic and What-A-Load to deal with body parts that may dislodge themselves from the respective machines.

At this point, all employees on hand should identify a prime position for a Staging Zone. This Staging Zone will be used to store all the used buckets and filled bins. Any viscera, garbage or solid viscera must be moved out of the way or cleaned up.

Take care to think over the volume of the area you are cleaning up. An inefficent job may occur if the area turns out to be too small to complete the job in one sitting. Consider the space that bins take up.

Some employees have attempted to improve this stage of the job by stacking buckets in each other. This is another cycle of behavior that is discouraged. The buckets dispensed by the Slosh-O-Matic are lightweight, and not meant for the kind of heavy abuse that bucket-stacking can cause. Please refrain from stacking these buckets.

Having done this, go to the respective machines and acquire enough bins and buckets to complete the task at hand, storing them at the Staging Zone. Acquire a broom or a shovel if it is available on-site as well, also making sure to acquire the Plasma Welder if it can be found.

At this point, much like with the previous method, begin the process of relocating the corpses into biohazard bins. If the body is whole, then the body should be put someplace clutter-free, being careful to minimize blood stains.

After each corpse has been stored, collect the P.I.D card from the body and fill out the proper WTF-12 form at the Punch-O-Matic, filling out what you can, accurately.

Please refrain from stacking filled bins atop each other to conserve space. There have been incidents of strange mishaps occuring from this, causing a copious mess to form.

Having prepared all the solid viscera for disposal, begin cleaning up all liquid viscera using as many buckets as are needed. You should be methodical and careful with how the cleaning up of liquid viscera is managed, to avoid spreading more and more of the encroaching stains using your own footprints.

Employees have admitted to stacking buckets into each other once they have reached maximum contamination in an attempt to converse space, much like with the disposal bins. While it is admitted that this can be mildly helpful if the stacks are no more than two high, this is still highly discouraged. Be more thoughtful with planning out where to put buckets and bins during the Staging Zone Prep stage.

This phase of the Sanitary Stockpile method runs almost exactly the same as the Sanitorial Process method, except that each bin that becomes full of refuse and garbage is stored with the other bins, instead of being incinerated immediately.

This section of the Sanitary Stockpile method runs in exacting parallel to the Sanitorial Process method, and cannot be further elaborated on in this section.

At this phase, all bins and buckets in the work area must be incinerated, one at a time, as well as any whole bodies and leftovers that you may have missed. Take care with the bodies, as to not create a fresh mess.

This can take a great deal of time to complete. As you incinerate each of the bins, buckets and bodies, think hard to yourself. Think about the job you've been doing. Be honest. Has it been the most efficient, most respectable job you can do? What truly happened at the work site? How could you better yourself and the company, as a whole?

Some employees turn their noses up, stating how glad they are to have a Big Banger radio on the premises. We discourage this behavior. Focus should be on the job at hand, at all times.

Having finished this, keep a bin or two, as well as a bucket on hand for the next phase.

This part is also exactly like it's similarly named part in the Sanitorial Process, to the letter.

Please refer to "The Sanitorial Process: Paperwork" for instructions on what to do for this phase of the job.

Please refer to "The Sanitorial Process: Clock-Out" for instructions on this phase of the method.

This concludes the main material of this manual. Keep your eyes open for further addendums being delivered in the future, carrying important information regarding certain specific work-site procedures that should be followed when carrying out a job at the site.

Until then, we bid you adieu, and leave you with one last important nugget of wisdom from a now-retired janitor.

"Life as a janitor is never an easy life. It'll be tough, it'll break you. But if you can pull yourself together under the worst of circumstances, you can prove your worth, and help lead to a better tomorrow.

The job is never boring. As long as life exists, it'll find new ways to make giant messes. And when it does, we'll be there to clean them up.-Matthew Jenkins, ex-Sanitation Department Employee

This section of the handbook will inform you of extra tasks that may have to be performed at job sites where many Sanitation Department tasks are performed.

Athena's Wrath

• Be certain to use the H.A.R.M to check the elevated windows around the facility. There is also an elevated ledge that has been the subject of litter dumping in the past.

Cryogenesis

• Any sidearms detected on-site are to be put into the incinerator, one at a time during the standard janitorial cleanup phase.
  
• Alien specimens may prove too unwieldy to place into the incinerator. Acquiring the Plasma Welder and melting these specimens down into managable pieces is permitted under this specific circumstance.
  
• The door to the Cryo Storage control room is kept locked at all times. There is a clue to the code's whereabouts on a wall. Take note of this during the assessment phase.

Evil Science

• There is a stacking zone dedicated to Wet Floor signs. Take note of this, and refrain from incinerating the signs.
  
• The surgery room upstairs is kept under lockdown. Investigate the rest of the facility to locate the password required to deactivate the lockdown.

Gravity Drive

• At the far end of Gravity Drive is a device that can be used to restore gravity to the area.
  
• However, take care when engaging the gravity generator. There is a chance for falling objects to cause fatal injuries.
  
• This map is without an Incinerator. Instead, you may use an airlock to dispose of buckets, bins and any other items that need to be disposed of.

Hydroponic Hell

• This area is often infested with bulbous seed pods, like seen here. These unsightly growths must be disposed of, being placed into the incinerator one at a time during the janitorial cleanup phase.
  
  
• Weeds, such as the ones seen above, are also sometimes found in the plant growing areas. Employees are advised to remove these weeds and dispose of them as well as the seed pods. In addition, employees are to use the on-station Vend-O-Matic to acquire fresh seeds and plant them.
  
  
  

Waste Disposal

• Refrain from wading into the sewer water. It is full of unwanted particulate matter, which will stick to your shoes and make a mess. This is unacceptable. In an emergency, lay down crates, barrels or other solid objects into the water temporarily, and use them to cross to the far wall for cleaning.

Zero-G Therapy

• The usual methods of dealing with messes will not apply to this area. Rather, begin by throwing all solid objects into the incinerator.
  
• Then, having finished that, turn on the gravity, acquire a bucket, and clean up whatever can be cleaned up without the gravity off. Having accomplished this, proceed to turn the gravity off, and let the bucket empty itself into the lack of gravity. You will have to turn the gravity off each time you wish to rinse your mop into a bucket.

Unearthly Excavation

• These strange phenomena, holes in the ground like you see above, have proven to be a severe safety hazard for workers. Pick up a shovel at the dig site and fill them in with sand. This will make the site more safe for future work.
  
• Please take care around the Mining Explosives in this map. According to calculations, a careless, lazy janitor has a 85.684% chance of killing themselves with these devices, creating a large mess, and forcing us to acquire a temporary janitor to complete the job.

Overgrowth

• Plasma scars must be lifted out with the Plasma Welder, akin to ones seen here.
  
  
  
  
• Be certain to check the area very thoroughly during the assessment phase. It would be very easy for an unattentive Sanitation Department employee to forget certain hiding places for unwanted materials...

This leads to the end of this handbook. We of the corporation have the fullest confidence that you and your fellow employees will continue to keep all work running clean and smooth far into the future, and that the excellent work you will do shall reflect positively upon us all.

Go forth, and set the best example you can.